untitled (please tell me what you think!)

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Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

0 posted 2008-02-18 03:18 PM

as stated previously in the title, im quite unsure of whether i like it or not so tell me the truth please!

its confusing cause this thing dosent have bold. read the whole thing then read the capitalized things. it says "alone life is sad but i dont want to let go"

___________________________________________________

i cAn no LONgEr cry

and LIFE passes by

like a dream

lIke a nightmare I cannot eScape

your memory iS fADing

BUT I still DON'T WANT TO

LET you GO

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

1 posted 2008-02-18 03:33 PM

hmm ok lets figure this out "alone life is sad but i dont want to let go". Ok true is that. Without you life is lonely and sad but what do you not want to let go? the person whom you love? the feelings towards that person? hmm the poem itself ,without the hidden messege, i think is better. cuz the messege makes me think and question too much. the poem over all is good!

~Zach~

"Nice guys finish last"

Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

2 posted 2008-02-18 03:43 PM

hmmmm. ill take that into consideration. i was kind of thinking the same thing.

see, i thought it was a good idea at first but it proved to be trickier than i thought to write it so maybe i should ignore the hidden part.

let me see what others say but you may be on to something.

thanx for the honesty!

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

3 posted 2008-02-18 04:11 PM

ummm i love stuff like this= a double message. how great- and true as well. thanks for sheding some light on that which is humanity.

-Kate

and in the daylight i miss the nightmare- but deathly fear it in the dark of night

Earl Robertson
Senior Member

since 2008-01-21

Posts 753
BC, Canada

4 posted 2008-02-18 06:44 PM

Well I like the idea, the poem itself is very well written. However the "double" meaning is already included in the poem! My advise is to take it out of this one and next time try a paradox.
Just a suggestion I did realy like the poem!

"Be Strong and Always Remember what made you you." Earl

"Ooo!!! Ooo!! I know! I know! um...he he" Earl
(Yes I am crazy)

Amic
Junior Member

since 2008-02-17

Posts 39
...I think Im lost again...

5 posted 2008-02-18 10:29 PM

I like it without the poem itself without the hidden message, BUT I love the idea of hidden messages. Maybe better used in a different piece though? I love it!

Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

6 posted 2008-02-18 10:48 PM

kk! sounds pretty much unanimus!!! i shall take out the hidden message!

thanks a ton for the support and honesty guys. i really appreciate it!

its nice to know you can count on people to tell the truth. youll never get better without it!

-Jaki

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