Teen Poetry #8 |
Lil Miss |
ShawtySheFly Member
since 2007-12-19
Posts 71In his Elevator (LOL) |
Lik she's lil miss sunshine, it's a rainy day da grl has an umbrella coming ur way her life is chrome w/ specks of gold u look at her n she'll light ur world Lik she's lil miss lightning bolt, it's a rainy day da grl has a shock coming her life is chrome w/ specks of gold u look at her n damn da chick gotta hold Lik she's lil miss star in da night it's clear outside but she's falling lik a meteorite her life is chrome w/ specks of gold u look at her n well there's nothin to say it was a rainy day Lil Miss. . uh . .mister i don't kno her name she kissed da sky n flew away |
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© Copyright 2008 Angel - All Rights Reserved | |||
Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
hmm this is a different kind of poem than what i usually read. but different can be good, right? well anyway good job! you should work on the "da" insted say "the". lol |
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forever*wishing Member
since 2006-05-29
Posts 178where my heart is |
haha i loved this poem! it was nice to read cuz its so diff frum all the other posts here... an it was well written... gud write! --an Falling rain, i think the "da"s r kool...they add 2 the character of the poem... there's more to living than being alive ~Anberlin |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
mm Angel Welcome to Passions!! I loved the flow and words in this poem.. one thing I wood change tho... wood be the language.. words like grl, ur, da etc. It kind of takes away from the poem but keep writing i will be looking tue read more Krysti |
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ShawtySheFly Member
since 2007-12-19
Posts 71In his Elevator (LOL) |
Thanks 4 THE replies i'm sorry about my "grammar" whatever but it's my diction ppl must express themselves wit their words & those happen to be mine . . . i dun expect to become oh so famous so thanks anyway A house of cards in a >hurricane^ |
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