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ShawtySheFly
Member

since 2007-12-19

Posts 71
In his Elevator (LOL)

0 posted 2008-02-13 02:59 PM

Lik she's lil miss sunshine, it's a rainy day
da grl has an umbrella coming ur way
her life is chrome w/ specks of gold
u look at her n she'll light ur world

Lik she's lil miss lightning bolt, it's a rainy day
da grl has a shock coming
her life is chrome w/ specks of gold
u look at her n damn da chick gotta hold

Lik she's lil miss star in da night
it's clear outside but she's falling lik a meteorite
her life is chrome w/ specks of gold
u look at her n well there's nothin to say

it was a rainy day
Lil Miss. . uh . .mister i don't kno her name
she kissed da sky n flew away

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

1 posted 2008-02-13 08:38 PM

hmm this is a different kind of poem than what i usually read. but different can be good, right? well anyway good job! you should work on the "da" insted say "the". lol

forever*wishing
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 178
where my heart is

2 posted 2008-02-13 10:22 PM

haha
i loved this poem!
it was nice to read cuz its so diff frum
all the other posts here...
an it was well written...
gud write!

--an Falling rain, i think the "da"s r kool...they add 2 the character of the poem...

there's more to living than being alive

~Anberlin

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

3 posted 2008-02-15 01:16 AM

mm Angel Welcome to Passions!! I loved the flow and words in this poem.. one thing I wood change tho... wood be the language.. words like grl, ur, da etc. It kind of takes away from the poem but keep writing i will be looking tue read more
Krysti

ShawtySheFly
Member

since 2007-12-19

Posts 71
In his Elevator (LOL)

4 posted 2008-02-19 11:12 AM

Thanks 4 THE replies i'm sorry about my "grammar" whatever but it's my diction ppl must express themselves wit their words & those happen to be mine . . . i dun expect to become oh so famous so thanks anyway

A house of cards in a >hurricane^

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