The Last Line of this Poem is a LIE

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RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

0 posted 2008-02-05 06:08 PM

The Last Line of this Poem is a LIE

I’m getting that headache
The one that comes right after
I’ve shed out all my tears
And left my eyes glowing like embers

My mascara’s sweep aside
And my finger’s colored black
I’m just leaving it alone
I don’t care I won’t look back

The tremors that appear before
My confused and dull green eyes
Are starting to make writing this
Something near swept aside

My insides are killing me
The reason is secret to the world
It’s too much to let out
So I’ll keep it in, and tightly furled

I’m not asking for much
But it seems for you to give
It would require too much effort
To let my small wish live

The headache is just a small one
But it persists on being first
I guess I can be counted lucky
I’ve gotten nothing worse

and in the daylight i miss the nightmare- but deathly fear it in the dark of night

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2008-02-05 06:36 PM

really a great poem...

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

2 posted 2008-02-05 06:43 PM

nice poem Kate! i like it alot too bad i cant write as well as you can. =]

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

3 posted 2008-02-05 07:11 PM

aww thanks, and your stuff is amazing, rain, so i don't know what your talking about . . . thanks though, i needed a lift today.

-Kate

and in the daylight i miss the nightmare- but deathly fear it in the dark of night

Earl Robertson
Senior Member

since 2008-01-21

Posts 753
BC, Canada

4 posted 2008-02-05 10:14 PM

Allow me to second Rains comment! This was an amazingly deep and meaningful write! I love the title, the first stanza, the second stanza, the third stanza, the...

"Be Strong and Always Remember what made you you." Earl

"Ooo!!! Ooo!! I know! I know! um...he he" Earl
(Yes I am crazy)

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

5 posted 2008-02-07 02:09 PM

psh, earl, you know i think your stuff is just as amazing.

-KAte

and in the daylight i miss the nightmare- but deathly fear it in the dark of night

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

6 posted 2008-02-07 07:43 PM

This was pretty good. I really enjoyed the use of imagery. I felt that by trying to stick to a rhyme scheme, that it held you back a little bit. I think that your imagery has a lot of potential.

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

7 posted 2008-02-07 08:33 PM

young blood- it acually didn't start out as a rhyming poem, but i had a few of them that did ryhme and the whole thing kinda threw me off b/c it didn't have a set thing. thankyou though. it's nice to hear ways i can improve. and that i've done well in parts too.

-Kate

and in the daylight i miss the nightmare- but deathly fear it in the dark of night

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

8 posted 2008-02-08 02:21 AM

Kate Darlin' ammazazin poem I loved it def. one of my favs by you.. one of the strongest most meaningful poem I have read.. absolutly stunning
Krysti

fromme2U
Member

since 2007-11-09

Posts 257

9 posted 2008-02-08 01:34 PM

My mascara’s sweep aside
And my finger’s colored black
I’m just leaving it alone
I don’t care I won’t look back

I LIKE THIS STANZA A LOT, THIS WAS AN AMAZING POEM WRITTEN BY YOU, AWSOME JOB!

hiddensmiles
Senior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 514
at the beach... i wish

10 posted 2008-02-08 06:25 PM

i agree with fromme2U that stanza is amazing !!!

hiddensmiles
Senior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 514
at the beach... i wish

11 posted 2008-02-08 06:27 PM

i agree with fromme2U that stanza truely is amazing !!!

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

12 posted 2008-02-08 06:29 PM

thanks, oh it is so mice to have a good responsive aduience.

-Kate

and in the daylight i miss the nightmare- but deathly fear it in the dark of night

Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

13 posted 2008-02-18 03:22 PM

i like it! it reads really well and is just overall really good!

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

14 posted 2008-02-18 03:26 PM

wow such emotion behind your words. i love it!! this is going in my library. keep up the good work!!

~Zach~

"Nice guys finish last"

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