two lovebirds and a hawk - pipTalk Forums

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Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

0 posted 2008-01-19 04:58 PM

my poem is acutally untitled but i made a quick one up so that people would at least look...
hope you like it!!!
___________________________________________________

Shines that bright golden orb
on that crisp golden morn
as two lovebirds come out to play
picking blooming black roses of sin
tempting sinners themselves with their sin
gleaming talons,- fate,- one lovebird lifted away

And the raincloud holds to her memories
and the Rainbow tries to break through
and the mockingbird cries
as it flees the skies
midnight tears turn to morning dew

I know not how the heart works,
nor Why we pick who we do-
but somehow I feel
this love may be real
and my feelings for X_______
may be True

people, robbers of sunshine
people, who judge me and you
these People are HAWKS with their Talons
outstreatched!-
for some Birds, dreams don't come true

Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

1 posted 2008-01-19 05:50 PM

oh, um if noone understands this, its ok. i just realized it may be a bit confusing if you dont know me...

pretty much i like my friend but society won't let it work out. hence the lovebirds... and the talons

byes!!!

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

2 posted 2008-01-19 10:25 PM

I like this.. i think its cool.. rhyming is great and it hits home. Nice write and Welcome to PIP

Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

3 posted 2008-01-20 11:22 AM

thank you! and ive only been here one day but ive read tons of your stuff- all really amazing!

fromme2U
Member

since 2007-11-09

Posts 257

4 posted 2008-01-21 04:00 PM

And the raincloud holds to her memories
and the Rainbow tries to break through
and the mockingbird cries
as it flees the skies
midnight tears turn to morning dew

I love this part..great job

Earl Robertson
Senior Member

since 2008-01-21

Posts 753
BC, Canada

5 posted 2008-01-21 11:54 PM

I have a kindred spirit! This looks like the kind of stuff I would write... easily understandble... sort of!

Reminds me of some things happening in my life right now acctualy.

It's awesome Jaki!

Yay!!! um...he he

Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

6 posted 2008-01-22 09:11 AM

thank you all sooo much!!! its nice to know people like it! Im just glad i can take something that upsets me and turn it into something others will like too! =)

justanotherstorm
Member

since 2007-10-24

Posts 321

7 posted 2008-01-23 12:20 PM

huh kool poem
i know how it feels to love someone ppl dont agree with u know what i mean well yea kool

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

8 posted 2008-02-01 10:26 AM

I like this poem. i personally cant relate to this but i understand how you feel. I'm sort of new at this so yeah. otherwise great job!

Ri
Member

since 2008-02-01

Posts 67
Blackburn, England

9 posted 2008-02-01 07:52 PM

I'm loving this extended metaphor, and constant reference to birds.
The part about the black rose of sin reminded me of the novel "The Scarlet Letter", which is a good thing. I personally think the title works well.
keep up the good work.

Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

10 posted 2008-02-18 03:26 PM

OMG that made my day! the scarlet letter is my favorite book EVER!!!!!

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