just thoughts of my mind(my first ever poem)

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Teen Poetry #8

just thoughts of my mind(my first ever poem)

I am the arch angel
Member

since 2008-02-02

Posts 167
nowhere,illinois,USA

0 posted 2008-02-03 01:45 AM

with wings of fury,
and so many bodies to bury.
I don't know what to do.

Why does it have to be like this, I do not know,
but form the start, it has began to show.
In my head thoughts race by so fast,so clear,2+2

With an end so near,
but do not fear
i will be back for my dear,even if she has no clue

~-Keagan-~

[This message has been edited by I am the arch angel (02-03-2008 03:58 PM).]

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

1 posted 2008-02-03 11:15 AM

I am not sure if your stanza in the middle should be so run on. I always like to think when a new idea comes into the writing (a new line) it goes the next line down so it is easier to read and flows better. However for your first poem it was very good.

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

2 posted 2008-02-03 11:18 AM

surf painters right keagan. but ur new to writing poetry its okay u'll get better.

I am the arch angel
Member

since 2008-02-02

Posts 167
nowhere,illinois,USA

3 posted 2008-02-03 11:43 AM

yeah well i dont like it much and ive matured as a writer but thank you for the ideas

wolf girl
Member

since 2007-12-03

Posts 150
washington, US

4 posted 2008-02-03 12:50 PM

i liked it and i liked the long stanza in the middle. it explains alot.

-jenna

I am the arch angel
Member

since 2008-02-02

Posts 167
nowhere,illinois,USA

5 posted 2008-02-03 01:05 PM

Thank you i appreciate it

~-Keagan-~

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