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Teen Poetry #8
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Untitled (help with title please)
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Untitled (help with title please) |
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pen&paper Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513
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By putting my pencil down on this paper And writing words which sound alike I allow you to see a sliver of my soul And can only pray that you'll be kind Judgement rarely stands as friend Whether condemning or being oneself condemned It seems if such judgement is our only ally We'll all be lonely in the end So I beg you please be kind Though if criticism is justice sweet Leave your thoughts, kind words,...or hate (Though I pray that's not the case) And lay them at my feet And I'll read them later For first I must wonder If criticism is harsh Yet such justice be called sweet How can both be equal lain In grim complacency at my feet? By reason of temperment? Nay. Perception? Perhaps. (Death's worst trap this is, no doubt.) I wonder from this confusion, Shall I ever find my way out? [This message has been edited by pen&paper (01-31-2008 10:03 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2008 Cierra L. Robbeloth - All Rights Reserved | |||
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
im not sure i could help u with the tittle only because I don't feel the emotion that u were when u wrote it. If you could explain it to me i might have an idea or 2. FoReVeR.BrOkEn |
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pen&paper Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513 |
When I was writing this I was thinking about how when we write a poem and share it (whether on the internet or in person) we allow ourselves to remain easy targets for slander, or for criticism (which is a good thing) and for praise. Just comments and harsh criticism are equal in replies. The feeling was merely one of contemplation. |
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
hmmm....well, im still stumped. I'm not sure, did u have any possible titles u might want to use? FoReVeR.BrOkEn |
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Ri Member
since 2008-02-01
Posts 67Blackburn, England |
I like this, I can feel the expectance of judgement within it, and can imagine how youe felt writing this I don't know about title names, that's up for you to decide, but good work. |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
Dear Pen&paper, The hardest thing about writing poems, I think sometimes, is to start. All of us carry worries the size of a small continent around on our backs about how other people are going to judge or praise what we will write. The problem with this most natural of fears is that we start paying more attention to the fear itself and to anticipation of praise or criticism than we sometimes devote to the actual writing process itself. Many times we end up writing about those fears rather than getting past them to the point of engaging with the joy of the language and the feel of the words in our mouths and the sounds of the words in our ears and the impact of the rhythm of the words on our pulse and our heartbeats. It's a matter of actually trying too hard, rather than not trying hard enough. Nobody can tell you to stop worrying, pen&paper; it's like telling you not to think about cheesecake or pink elephants. The harder you try, the more you fail. It works better if you know things to do in addition to your worrying, so the worry assumes a proper proportion and doesn't take over entirely. When people used to learn how to write verse (not poetry; verse is a skill, like typing. Poetry is what happens when somebody who writes verse gets very lucky) the business of doing the counting and the rhyming used to keep writers busy enough so that they could worry about that instead of how they'd be judged. These days, writing formal verse isn't a skill that's actually taught very often or well, so it doesn't work as a distraction as well as it used to. There are writing exercises you can do, however, that you can use to keep your worrying brain fairly well occupied while you spend time creating poetry. I suggest you try some of those. Natalie Goldberg has some fine suggestions about what she calls "free writing" that seem to work well in getting around the censor. One of her early books is called "Writing Down The Bones," and is very common sense. There's another thread on Free Verse where I give a web reference to a few essays by Richard Hugo, short, snappy and useful. William Stafford's Writing The Australian Crawl is another fine book of useful essays on how to deal with these sorts of problems. You aren't the first poet to suffer with this stuff. That doesn't make the pain any less, but there are solutions, and some of these canny writers have been there too and send back messages of hope. No reason you can't grapple with this painful stuff successfully, too. The process of actually doing so is less painful than the suffering itself, once you get yourself oriented. Good luck. Best wishes, BobK. |
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I am the arch angel Member
since 2008-02-02
Posts 167nowhere,illinois,USA |
pen&paper i think this is an awesome poem, and i agree with you on everything and maybe a title should be concience,criques, and this papaer alone-- i don't know but it sounds ok but good luck on the search for the title or u can just name untitled-- lol |
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wolf girl Member
since 2007-12-03
Posts 150washington, US |
i think the title should be something along the lines of judge me as you will. or something like that. sorry im not much of a help. it was a good poem and it really described the feeling you get as you write poems. -jenna |
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Ri Member
since 2008-02-01
Posts 67Blackburn, England |
Critical cautiousness? Awaiting verdict? Open paper wounds? Just some ideas to think about |
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StolenDreams Junior Member
since 2008-01-22
Posts 11Virginia, USA |
So in reading this i seriously connected with it i love how you expanded the whole being vulnerable to criticizing and turned it into this marveloous piece of work and i think if i had to name it it would probably be something like: Judgement Day. |
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