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RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

0 posted 2008-01-21 01:47 AM

Where am I
Why am I here
I’m standing in an alleyway
With my dad standing near

You got what you wanted
But I won’t be staying long
You’ve 5 minutes two explain yourself
Then I’m off to write a song

You say that you’re sorry
How am I too know it’s true
So many times you have lied
In fact I’m still ashamed of you

You walked out on us all
Left us here alone
To find another woman
That you called on my mobile phone

It’s not that I don’tlove you
God dad I’m your first born
But you walked out on us
It was youthat left us torn

If you’re looking for sympathy
You won’t find it here
I haven’t cried since Ella died
And today I have no fear

So what excuse is it this time?
Where you drugged out of your mind?
God dad you can do better than that
We all know you left your pills behind!

See I’m done being bullied by your anger
In fact I’m done being bullied by you at all
So you can just get back in ur box
Or i’ll hang up your every call

So this is what it’s like
I have nothing left to give
But just for mum’s sake you know
This time i will forgive

You can go home
Pretend its all okay
I’ll act like it perfect
Yet i won’t ask you to stay

You can blame me for Ella dad
But you can’t blame me for mum
When you kill her with your lies
I’ll politely hand you a gun

So now I’ll walk away
Holding on to all I own
An empty can of bourbon
And a worn out mobile phone

Nothing’s what it seems
I’ll love and I’ll regret
I’ll cry and I’ll die
I’ll forgive but not forget

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

1 posted 2008-01-21 06:18 AM

this blew me away. it was very strong and powerful. every word meant something. thats what makes this piece a work of art.

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

2 posted 2008-01-21 06:56 AM

Thankyou C.O..
Luv u always.. Jess

shattered-smiles
Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 247
inside the shadows

3 posted 2008-01-21 08:05 AM

When I was reading this poem, every single one of the words had meaning to them. You've put this poem in such strong form, it's hard to skip it. It was just in this stanza I was a little confused

If you’re looking for sympathy
You won’t find it here
I haven’t cried since Ella died
And today I have no fear

I think that you could add some other lines that would flow and explain who Ella was. Not just say "Ella was my sister," or something like that. Explain in sort of a mysterious manner. Other than that, I think this poem is really good.

[&] she's a blood broken rose

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

4 posted 2008-01-21 08:41 AM

Beautiful. what a hard lot you have dove, what a hard lot. Well, if it doesn't kill you- it will only make you stronger. You're Incredible.

-Kate

and in the daylight i miss the nightmare- but deathly fear it in the dark of night

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

5 posted 2008-01-21 03:24 PM

wow this is so sad beautiful write hunn
love ya
Krysti

fromme2U
Member

since 2007-11-09

Posts 257

6 posted 2008-01-21 03:36 PM

I agree with C.O this was strong and powerful..Amazing job!

Jaki H
Member

since 2008-01-19

Posts 232
NJ, USA

7 posted 2008-01-21 05:53 PM

wow... i love it!!! its so strong! really amazing stuff...

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

8 posted 2008-01-21 08:46 PM

Hi Guys.. Thanks for the replies.. glad you all felt it.. For those that don't know..

Ella was my daughter.. she died early last year the reason i haven't added and discription is because it still hurts to say her name let alone add bits..

thanks again guys..

Love always

wolf girl
Member

since 2007-12-03

Posts 150
washington, US

9 posted 2008-01-21 10:23 PM

this was wonderful. i always read your poems. it explains alot and conveys alot of emotion. loved it.

-jenna

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

10 posted 2008-01-26 12:39 PM

wow there is no word that describes how empacting this poem is. fantastic job! hope to see more...oh yeah,i love the tittle, it really caught my attention

FoReVeR.BrOkEn

surf_painter
Member

since 2007-04-10

Posts 434
Canada

11 posted 2008-01-27 09:18 AM

So powerful and emotional it was great, and painful.

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