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nostalgic*pride
Member

since 2006-08-23

Posts 122
NowhereVille

0 posted 2006-09-05 05:00 PM

All this time she's stood beside you
Made excuses for the way you are
Even when you leave her
She hides away her scars

Her lies are unbelievable
We all know you're a cheat
Walking around on a woman
Who kisses the ground at your feet

Well, I won't take any more of it
No, it simply will not do
And when you finally come home
We won't be wating for you

You may think I'm just a little girl
With no power in her hand
But my mother will choose her daughter
Over some foolish man

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

1 posted 2006-09-06 06:59 PM

wow that was good... i can acually really relate to that which is always easier to c from anotthers point of veiw... i will read the sequel now:P good post. hope to read more soon...
hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

2 posted 2006-09-07 09:04 AM

Wow! I mean like WOW! The emotions in this poem are awesome, the "storyline" was amazing too. From the very start to the finish it captivates you, making you want to read more and more and more and more and more... Well, you get the picture

"You may think I'm just a little girl
With no power in her hand
But my mother will choose her daughter
Over some foolish man"

I loved this stanza, it just ends the poem off in an amazing way...

Plus the first stanza was amazing too, you started the poem off strong and ended it in the same fashion. GReat job! Since hunnie_girl says there's a sequal I'm going to go find it!

Thanks for sharing

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
@-->---

pencil&paper
Member

since 2006-09-09

Posts 76
asleep somewhere in my head

3 posted 2006-09-10 05:08 PM

ok i really really enjoyed this poem and can relate to it pretty well

oh and btw i loved the last stanza it was strong ending and i think it fit really well

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

4 posted 2006-09-10 10:19 PM

I think this was really well written, as well as the other two poems of the series.

~Alli~

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