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Teen Poetry #8

lost without a trace

Belinda
Member

since 2006-01-30

Posts 126
UK

0 posted 2008-01-05 07:08 AM

i haven't written in a very long time, so it's good to be back. I'm a bit rusty so i would appreciate the criticism, many thanks, Belinda~*
'please don't make a scene',
you say in your patronizing way,
you ditch me after a year,
yet i have no right to a say?

'you know it's for the best',
you insensitive, chauvinist, pig.
i feel my eyes start to fill,
and watch you go for another dig.

'we knew it wouldn't last'
but i know you're not glad,
i can see it in your eyes,
you've done something bad.

'so who was she then?'
i ask, you don't look shocked,
we both saw it coming,
our eyes stay tightly locked.

'i am really, so sorry'
you sound so confused,
all your friends are laughing,
they sure sound amused.

'it was nice knowing you',
i whisper in you ear,
i turn and walk away,
i feel the hot flood of tears.

'hold up, let me explain'
yours is an unfamiliar face,
for the boy i fell in love with,
has been lost without a trace

Expect nothing, Prepare for anything.

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

1 posted 2008-01-05 07:15 AM

OMG.. Bloomin Be-Jesus.. What a write.. Well done.. Don't get where your rusty thats for sure.. Lovely too see u back.. heres me think my latest poem (Code Blue) was great lol have too bow down to u this piece was great!

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2008-01-05 04:08 PM

'i am really, so sorry'
you sound so confused,
all your friends are laughing,
they sure sound amused.~~
thiat wuz my fav stanza. and all I can really say for this poem is WOAH, great write absolutely amazing... Great to have you back

Krysti

xbrokenxlullabyx
Junior Member

since 2007-12-25

Posts 36
NJ, U.S.A.

3 posted 2008-01-06 04:34 PM

this is a great write
I love the way you start each stanza with a quote

I don't see how you're rusty at all! This is really well done

Susanna V.

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