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Teen Poetry #8
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A poem to you
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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A poem to you |
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pip_man Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 70Canada |
I know there is no sense, Of me writing this stupid poem. It will never change your feelings, I will still be alone. But at least this way, I will be able to sleep at night, And you will know just how I feel, It will help to set things right. So here I go, It will not be easy, But it is something I must do, Because my sweetest, heartfelt words Only come when I think of you. I know I didn’t prove to you, That I wanted to be together, But that was just because I was shy, And didn't know any better, But now when you are taken from me, I can see it very clear, I want to be with you, I want to hold you dear. If only I had shown you before, Then maybe it could be true, But now I know I am too late, And there is nothing I can do. I pour my heart out in this poem, Because it is still fresh with hurt, And ever night that goes by, It will only get worse. So this I have to tell you, You are the one that lights up my day, You are the one I find beautiful in each and every way. You are the one I care for, The one I dream of too, And if I can not have you, I don't know what I will do. You came into my life, When my heart was about to die. You filled it with life, Now you expect me to say goodbye. What do you think this will do to me? You were the one that showed me light, Now you are leaving me, My world will never again be bright. This paper is the last part Of my life-filled heart, You were the one that revived it, And you are the one that ripped it apart. "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." |
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| © Copyright 2006 LM - All Rights Reserved | |||
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
The title is weak, for such a wonderful sweet poem the title should be something more, can not think of what it could be though sorry. If a guys said this to me, and he was serious, I would not want to leave such a sweet guys. This was really good. Little long, but don't know how you could shorten it. I loved the ending, amazing. One of your bests almost definetly. I also like this stanza. You came into my life, When my heart was about to die. You filled it with life, Now you expect me to say goodbye. WOW. This was outstanding thru and thru. Pip man whoever you wrote this to, probbaly doesnt deserve this great of a poem if they are tearing you apart like this. Thank you for a great read, I would put this in my library but I don't really know how. Sorry that I don't have alot of constructive crittiscm here. |
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pip_man Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 70Canada |
thank you very much...and I know the title is not that good...if you have noticed I am not that great at titles. So if anyone has any suggestions for a title let me know "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
wow i cannot begin to describe the feelings I felt for this poem. Hope to see more of your writtings soon. Good write. hunnie*  A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~ |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
pip_man how do you do it? You always seem to be able to write such amazing poems from the heart! I wish I had that talent but it seems I just can't do it... I loved this one; although I do agree about the title, don't know what it should be cause I'm bad with titles but I think you can think of something better. "I know there is no sense, Of me writing this stupid poem. It will never change your feelings, I will still be alone. But at least this way, I will be able to sleep at night, And you will know just how I feel, It will help to set things right." This would be my favorite part in the whole poem, I know, it's probably something different from what lots of people would choose but it seems to fit, my mood? Hmm... Have to think more on that one... Thanks for sharing another great piece, I hope to read more very soon  "I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino @-->--- |
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
For a title, you might consider "You are the one." My titles may not be very original lol sorry. I just read through and find either a phrase I use the most or something that stands out to me in the poem and go from there. A very sweet piece, if a guy wrote that for me I'd have a hard time not wanting to be with him lol are you going to give this to her?AIM-beatufu1tragidy |
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Brittany Junior Member
since 2006-09-26
Posts 32Canada |
I liked it, and i agree with everyone else that if a guy wrote this for me I'd definately have a hard time walking away. Maybe we're all suckers for poetry, but I still think it was really sweet and heartfelt. Good Job! ~Life Ain't Always Beautiful~ |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
"So this I have to tell you, You are the one that lights up my day, You are the one I find beautiful in each and every way." This part is so beautiful. ~Alli~ |
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nostalgic*pride Member
since 2006-08-23
Posts 122NowhereVille |
"This paper is the last part Of my life-filled heart, You were the one that revived it, And you are the one that ripped it apart" Truly beautiful. Amazing. Wonderful. |
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pip_man Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 70Canada |
Thanks for the title sugestions, and I don't know if I am going to give it to her, mostly because the whole situation is really complicated. Thanks again! "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." |
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