Teen Poetry #8 |
As i try to help |
wisdomofthesword Member
since 2007-12-17
Posts 224the last place on earth |
you see it all the time just watch the news but this time its different its really hit home someone i care for someone i love with your bad decision her life is in flames I don't know why I don't really care all that I know is I wish you where here I wish you could see the pain that you cause the tears on my shoulder the fear in her eyes as i comfort and council my thoughts turn to rage of kicking and punching to your life I lay claim what can I say to this girl in my arms how do you help someone violated in this way all I can promise is to always be there to help and to hold her and fight all her fears all I can say to the man that hurt my friend there is no where you can hide there is no where you can run something thats stupid but works isn't stupid |
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fromme2U Member
since 2007-11-09
Posts 257 |
Nice write. |
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xbrokenxlullabyx Junior Member
since 2007-12-25
Posts 36NJ, U.S.A. |
I really like this, except maybe you could switch the last two lines? I think its stronger to end with hide instead of run, it flows nicely as well. |
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fromme2U Member
since 2007-11-09
Posts 257 |
I Included you in one of my poems. |
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Talyn Junior Member
since 2008-03-09
Posts 47North Carolina, USA |
Wow very nice! Lots of feelings within it. You must be a very good friend. Talyn. |
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wisdomofthesword Member
since 2007-12-17
Posts 224the last place on earth |
aw thanks talyn |
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Belinda Member
since 2006-01-30
Posts 126UK |
just wow, this was amazing. look forward to reading more. Belinda~* Expect nothing, Prepare for anything. |
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wisdomofthesword Member
since 2007-12-17
Posts 224the last place on earth |
hey thanks Belinda I'd actually forgotten I'd posted this one I don't care if you think I'm a fool but don't ever tell me so |
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Earl Robertson Senior Member
since 2008-01-21
Posts 753BC, Canada |
Wow lots of emotion. "Be Strong and Always Remember what made you you." Earl |
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hiddensmiles Senior Member
since 2008-02-07
Posts 514at the beach... i wish |
great poem JJ |
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wisdomofthesword Member
since 2007-12-17
Posts 224the last place on earth |
thanks Earl and JJ I don't care if you think I'm a fool but don't ever tell me so |
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