Lightning Might Strike Me Tonight

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NCCXC86
Junior Member

since 2006-09-25

Posts 18
Michigan

0 posted 2006-09-30 12:34 PM

Give me an answer.
Why do I feel this way?
How can this awful hell turn into a day?
I flinch and shiver
At things that bump in the night.
I'm scared and shaking
Even now that it's light.

This does not feel right.
I can see, but I have lost my sight.
I wish I could fly high and free,
Like a summer day's kite.

I hope you'll find me
Walking down this lonely street,
By the smell of summer
After it rains.
Maybe you'll lose me
All together in its heat.
Let this humid hair take away my pain.

This hopelessness squeezes me tight.
Lost and abound, cowering in fright.
I wish I could fly high and free,
Like a summer day's kite.

And maybe I'm crazy,
But lighting might strike me tonight.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

1 posted 2006-09-30 12:39 PM

i really feel like i can relate to this beautiful write...

And maybe I'm crazy,
But lighting might strike me tonight.

nice ending summed up the poem well...
hunnie*

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

forever*wishing
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 178
where my heart is

2 posted 2006-09-30 01:06 AM

LOVE the ending! it just ties it all together perfectly! i liked how this poem flowed...nice job. = )

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

3 posted 2006-09-30 01:26 AM

I agree that the ending wrapped this poem up so perfectly! It kind of bound the whole poem together so it made sense when you read it.

My all time favorite part would have to be this,

"I hope you'll find me
Walking down this lonely street,
By the smell of summer
After it rains."

The imagery here is exceptional! The comparison to the smell or rain, I loved it, I love the smell of rain and this used it in such a beautiful way.

Thanks for sharing this piece!

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
@-->---

NCCXC86
Junior Member

since 2006-09-25

Posts 18
Michigan

4 posted 2006-09-30 09:04 AM

Oh, one little mistake I noticed, it should be "humid air," not "humid air." Whoops.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

5 posted 2006-09-30 06:25 PM

I really liked this one. Some of the rhymes you used were very simple, but it didn't matter because the poem just flowed excellently. Like Stargal, I also liked all the imagery you used throughout.
Keep posting!

~Alli~

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

6 posted 2006-10-01 05:57 PM

You are really improving, nice imagery here. Good ending too.

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