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Leanne <3
Member

since 2007-08-25

Posts 216
N.S.W, Australia

0 posted 2007-11-26 01:43 AM

i dont really like the structure or flow to this poem but it says alot about how i feel, if you have any suggestions feel free to let me know, Thanks.

I cant stand this feeling
That’s rising up inside me
A strong rush of anger
An urge to pack and flee

They tell me I should smile
And say everything’s ok
Cause that’s what he would have wanted,
Like they know what he would say

I can’t describe this feeling
Dispersed upon my every pore
An agony of rapid destruction
Burying it’s way into my core.

They say the pain will fade away
That these scars will surely heal
But don’t you see he’s gone now?
It’s much more than just surreal.

I can’t handle all these feelings
They’re spinning out of control
I’m trying to get a grip
Before they envelope my soul

They encourage me to express myself
And be true to how I feel
But they guide me in their direction;
A personal manual on how to deal.

I cant ignore these feelings
And everything they imply
Because all of them lead to you
And our bittersweet goodbye.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2007-11-26 09:43 AM

no no no....this is REALLY good.....

leave it as is....

rebelangelv
Senior Member

since 2007-05-28

Posts 538
usa

2 posted 2007-11-28 12:38 PM

im w/ sea dude...this was perfectly excellant in exactly the way it is. heres my favorite part :

They tell me I should smile
And say everything’s ok
Cause that’s what he would have wanted,
Like they know what he would say

n e ways really really relaly great job

If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you"

justanotherstorm
Member

since 2007-10-24

Posts 321

3 posted 2007-11-28 12:45 PM

idk but it sounds like a song i know but yeah ne ways it was tight i liked it

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

4 posted 2007-11-28 01:12 AM

Like they know what he would say~

Wow Leanne amazing poem I loved this so much
Krysti

Assassin_of_Verse
Member

since 2007-10-23

Posts 330
that So Cal

5 posted 2007-11-28 01:17 AM

I can totally relate to this poem.

For me, this:
"I can’t handle all these feelings
They’re spinning out of control
I’m trying to get a grip
Before they envelope my soul"

Leads to this:
"bittersweet goodbye"

Ah...Bittersweet, such a lovely word.
-Andrew

We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly by embracing each other.
-Luciano De Creshenzo

An assassin-in-training shouldn't.

Leanne <3
Member

since 2007-08-25

Posts 216
N.S.W, Australia

6 posted 2007-11-28 01:53 AM

thanks heaps for readin this and giving me your opinions, i wasnt too sure but ur feedback was good so i might leave it how it is. =D

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

7 posted 2007-12-10 10:09 PM

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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