why won't she? - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

forever*wishing
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 178
where my heart is

0 posted 2006-09-29 07:09 PM

I wish so bad that she could learn what i know,
She can’t seem to find where she’s supposed to go,
She looks past what all is good, and sweet,
Straight to pain, and her few simple defeats.

I can’t see why she would pull this all on her own
She really doesn’t have to, but its not like she doesn't know.
she keeps walking past what could help her through,
She’s blind to happiness, and numb to what is good.

but, i've tried to help her, she really doesn't care,
i've tried to show her where to go, but i can't push her there,
only she can make the choice to see what is right,
only she can turn away from the darkness of the night.

~me

ok....just wrote this really fast, so it's not written very well...ha ha

[This message has been edited by forever*wishing (09-30-2006 12:38 AM).]

stargal
Senior Member

since 2006-03-06

Posts 1352
OR USA

1 posted 2006-09-30 12:29 PM

Hi forever*wishing,

It sounds like you really care about the person your talking to in this poem! Cause I'm going to assume this is a "true" problem?

I liked it; except for some of the errors. Nothing major I admit, stuff like forgetting to add words, like "to" and little things like that.

With a little more work on this one I think you could create something rather enjoyable to read. I'm sure that everyone can relate and feel the frustrations of not being able to get across to someone that you only want what's best for them...

Anyway, thanks for sharing this one, I liked it

"I pray thee, O God, that I
may be beautiful within."
–Socrates
@-->---

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2006-09-30 12:35 PM

but, i've tried to help her, she really doesn't care,
i've tried to show her where to go, but i can't push her there,
only she can make the choice to see what is right,
only she can turn away from the darkness of the night.

wow! and thats all i can say tx for sharing...
hunnie

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

forever*wishing
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 178
where my heart is

3 posted 2006-09-30 12:38 PM

thnks you guys! i like to here a response...even if its not good...i just like to know people read what i write.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

4 posted 2006-09-30 06:20 PM

I think this poem is pretty good for something you wrote quickly. I can relate to it very much, enjoyed.

~Alli~

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.