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Teen Poetry #8
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BLACKNESS DARKNESS SADNESS SUPPRESSION DEPRESSION
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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BLACKNESS DARKNESS SADNESS SUPPRESSION DEPRESSION |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
plz tell me if this poem is good or not ok thanks and tell me if its deep too ok thnaks blackness no colors no life it seems like everything became dead my heart became black full of hatred and jealousy cuz i wanted ur love but u never gave me that love and turned my heart into black gray ashes darkness came into my life i cat see anything theres no light it seems like i became blind for ur love its so dark that i cant see werhe i am sadness i started weeping and crying thinking about why i loved you sometimes i would feel a little happy thinking about the good times supression i suppressed my feelings for you cuz u really dont know how much i love you a close freidnship that me and u have but really i am fighting inside and suppressing those feelings tha ti have for u and thinking of telling u or not depression everyday and night crying and weeping no joy no love but still thinking about you and still loving you no one really gave me the love that i really need to satisfy myself i eat a bowl of ice cream but the pain never goes away it stays in the heart and hoping someday u will love me bak also so many problems and fights taht will be reminded will this blackness darkness sadness suppression and depression will stay or go away and make me joyful again or i will be sad all teh time but the pain is you that will never go away cuz i love u and always will BY ME |
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| © Copyright 2007 madiha - All Rights Reserved | |||
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rebelangelv Senior Member
since 2007-05-28
Posts 538usa |
sweetie, i read ur poem...it was good...all poems are read dont worry...theyre just not always commented on...sometimes ppl r just too lazy or they have nothing to say about it...dont worry ive had about 3 with zero comments on...but its okay...again ur poem was really good..i liked how the title went with the different like paragraphs or w/e  If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you" |
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justanotherstorm Member
since 2007-10-24
Posts 321 |
yeah V is right all poems are read this one was cool |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
well thank u its nice to be friends with u guys i really appreciated it i like urs 2 too u guys rite good too |
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davidmerriman Member
since 2003-04-30
Posts 123Dallas, TX |
No, it is not good, and it is not deep. I'm sorry, but I must be blunt. That's not saying anything about you as a person, or the severity of your feelings. It's just a bad poem. |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
what a mean thing to say! If you didn't like it you shouldn't have left a comment at all. It is just your opinion....and you should have kept it to yourself. |
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davidmerriman Member
since 2003-04-30
Posts 123Dallas, TX |
Well the question was, "Is this good or not? Is it deep or not?" And in my opinion, it is not. That's all. The question is, in simplest terms, "A or B", and I chose "B". Is that wrong? Let's get real. This is a bad poem. It's close to word salad, attempting to communicate pain in no original way, offering no original language or thought. If Auden is correct that poets must "set an example of the correct use of his mother tongue which is always being corrupted", what we see here is what poetry despises--poor punctuation, spelling, and no real love or respect for words. I know we all write bad poetry when we are young, and I am still young, but I have been grateful for the people whom, when I've asked, had told it to me straight: "what you are writing is lousy!" I don't wish anything ill on anyone, I only wish to preserve an honest discourse about writing, which seems to have all but collapsed. |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
*sigh* I know you are right, to a point. I just like the gentler side of things...not always, but if you are too harsh to someone about their writing it discourages rather than helps....ya know? Coming here, and seeing so many different styles, not just poetry forms but how they express themselves, I learned by example. Not everyone was nice about it, but most were. I would hope that kind words and gentle suggestions would be what you would offer, rather than bluntness. |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
thank u |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
thank u its not true that everyone has to like everyones work or stlye its ur opinion and also not everyones gonna like it there are most of them who will liek it but not some of the ppl cuz of hte way thy rite or tehre just rude |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed  ARCTIC WIND |
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maddorani Member
since 2007-11-18
Posts 423houston,tx |
lol |
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