Need Help w/ title...Maybe Confusion?

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Teen Poetry #8

Need Help w/ title...Maybe Confusion?

prettypinkrebel
Member

since 2007-11-07

Posts 104

0 posted 2007-11-11 10:03 PM

Lost in confusion and complete illusion
Wondering what is real and what is fake
Hoping not to make another mistake.

Tearing up at the thought of what happened to you
Knowing that there was nothing I could do
As you lay there and bled I held you
You can’t be dead I need you

I love you so much
Your lifeless body was the last thing I felt, the last touch
I still can’t wash away the smell, and it all still seems so real

Each time I try to fall asleep I see you in my arms.
I wish to god, I could have kept you from that harm.
I didn’t know the car would crash
I didn’t know that night would be your last

Still to this day, I blame myself,
I love you more the life it self.

Life is normally a broken road....so look ahead for the cracks!

rebelangelv
Senior Member

since 2007-05-28

Posts 538
usa

1 posted 2007-11-11 11:09 PM

wow. this is sad it almost made me cry. although some lines seems a little bit forced i loed the last one : still to this day i blame myself, i lov eyou more than life itself.
awsome. really great. and back at u: if this is something ur going thru then i hoe ur okay and im here if u need me

If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you"

prettypinkrebel
Member

since 2007-11-07

Posts 104

2 posted 2007-11-11 11:19 PM

yeah unfortunetly it is somethin that i am going through. it's depressing. and thx for the critique!
Sighz,
adreanna

Life is normally a broken road....so look ahead for the cracks!

rebelangelv
Senior Member

since 2007-05-28

Posts 538
usa

3 posted 2007-11-11 11:55 PM

omg im soo sry 4 u and ill definately b here for u n e time u need someone to talk to. i know im just some random stranger but im here

If i had to choose between you and breathing, id use my last breath to say "I love you"

pen&paper
Senior Member

since 2006-06-06

Posts 513

4 posted 2007-11-12 09:32 AM

I really loved this. Some of the lines were a bit forced but the removal of an article or two would probably fix that. Again, I really loved this. Great Write! Can't wait to see more from you.

Pen

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

5 posted 2007-11-12 10:19 PM

Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

6 posted 2007-11-14 01:27 AM

awe this is soo sad, give it time and your heart will heal not completelt but it will not be an open wound

Krysti

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