Teen Poetry #8 |
Seperated,yet never apart |
nevermore93 Member
since 2007-10-24
Posts 73 |
I still can remember that day I cried so hard my tears ran dry for in my arms I held you for the very last time You left this world that day you ascended to the stars leaving behind broken memories and a shattered loveless heart I feel pain, a pain I cant describe which came that dreadful day, the day you died and now how shall I move on when all that I loved in life is gone Something in me just longs to be with you my heart is troubled with memories, memories that I only want to forget for every second I dwell upon you, my life is spent I realize now that I can't forget you Your love still has its hold on me A hold that I truly never want to ease I'm calling out to you, please mine again I can feel your spirit surrounding me silently calling out my name waiting for me to be with you once again to come be with you in heaven some day. [This message has been edited by nevermore93 (10-25-2007 08:11 PM).] |
||
© Copyright 2007 Elias L. - All Rights Reserved | |||
Assassin_of_Verse Member
since 2007-10-23
Posts 330that So Cal |
Nice poem, but there were some grammar issues in the poem. Other than that, it was a solid piece. Also, did this happen recently? The more you know, the more you know you don't know. -Socrates |
||
nevermore93 Member
since 2007-10-24
Posts 73 |
this didnt happen recently. it just something that popped into my head. , and if you could tell me pls, what were the grammar issues |
||
RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
OMG i hope u realize that ive been crying here for 30 minutes.. This describes the ache that ive had in my heart since i lost my daughter.. Its so real.. Really loved it. Thankyou... |
||
Derek Junior Member
since 2007-10-20
Posts 38New Hampshire, USA |
Nice poem. I agree with the grammar issues, but I could only find one "and an shattered loveless heart" that "an" is suppost to be "a". You only use "an" if the next word begins with a vowel I believe. |
||
nevermore93 Member
since 2007-10-24
Posts 73 |
thank you all for your great comments. Im glad taht the poem reachesd you as much as it did. |
||
RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed Senior Member
since 2007-06-11
Posts 1062In Love <3 |
i liked it, sad, but meaningful. -Kate "I thought I'd just mention in passing . . . I always wanted a Sparkly of my very own." -Jeremy The Crow |
||
nevermore93 Member
since 2007-10-24
Posts 73 |
thanks kate. i appreciate the kind words |
||
hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
wow this was amazing I loved the words and the flow was flawless. I hope to read more from you Krysti |
||
Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
A very sensitive write, nevermore93. Poignant too. Love, Margherita |
||
latteaddict213
since 2006-02-17
Posts 523Colorado |
that was well writen.. and very sweet.. i liked it.. ¢¾jess |
||
surf_painter Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434Canada |
that was a lovely poem so full of emotion and soo sad i loved the way you wrote it if anything was changed it would not be the same |
||
Verg Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 52Colorado |
wow |
||
prettypinkrebel Member
since 2007-11-07
Posts 104 |
I love it it describes how i feel right now thanks for the powerful right!! |
||
Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
||
⇧ top of page ⇧ | ||
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. |