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Teen Poetry #8
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why (reply please)
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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why (reply please) |
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kamo New Member
since 2007-09-05
Posts 9 |
Every day i ask my self why does things happen. Like the 9-11 happen there had to be some reason why. well to day i was reading a list of all the names and people who died in the 9-11 and there ages well the youngest was 2 and the oldest was 85. I cryed when i was read some of them thing i waas reading. it was a 2 year old little girl just know getting to do stuff on her on and her life got took from her i dont thing thats right. My hart was broken when i herd about it tell this day i will cry every 9-11. i have a soft heart. when i heard that the younest was 2 it just broke my heart like someone just stab it over and over. Well there one thing i do know that that little girl is know were no one ealse can heart her heven read and reply please |
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| © Copyright 2007 kamo - All Rights Reserved | |||
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pen&paper Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513 |
The content was good...but try to work on your form and correct your spelling so that it will make more sense to your reader. I.E. Every day I ask myself, "Why do things happen?" Like 9-11 There had to be some reason why... Well, today I was reading a list of all the names of people who died in 9-11 and their ages The youngest was 2 and the oldest was 85. I cried when i read some of those A two-year-old little girl, Just now learning to do stuff on her own And her life was taken from her I don't think that's right. My heart was broken when i herd about it I will cry every 9-11... for I have a soft heart When I heard that the younest was 2, It just broke my heart Like someone stabing it over and over Well there one thing I do know That little girl is now were no one else can hurt her Heaven |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
I have got to agree this makes very little sense. Your vocabulary and genre of writing in very tacky which makes it almost impossible for the emotions to be felt. To help you out, as it seems you are a new writer, let me give you some tips.. Firstly write down exactly what message you want to portray in each new piece of work, then use this to come up with the rhythm and rhyming it may sound like a long process but its well worth it in the end.. anymore questions or if u want some help send me an email!! |
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