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Tinsel
Junior Member

since 2007-06-04

Posts 36
UK

0 posted 2007-09-11 11:24 AM

You can see by the way she walks
This girl’s a boys girl,
Honey blonde highlights
In perfect golden hair
And lipstick
And curves
(Got to stop looking,
Got to stop staring)
She may look perfect,
But Cupid disagrees.

Because at the weekend
She’s stumbling out of bushes
And puking on his shoes,
She’s got condoms in her purse,
And nothing left to lose.

She’s a real big entertainer,
Dirty dancing on the floor,
This need to be noticed,
Is not her only flaw.

I can't help but look at her mouth,
I've never seen her eat,
Cigarettes and white pills,
Bought out on the street.

Maybe if I loved her,
She'd be a bit more sane
Bad girl, boys girl,
Nothing will ever be the same.

forever*wishing
Member

since 2006-05-29

Posts 178
where my heart is

1 posted 2007-09-12 12:28 PM

i can't believe no one's commented on this one! it was really good

i liked the rhythym, the way you rhymed...it was just perfect, and i really hope you leave it like this

some people ruin their work by changing it a million times, when sometimes it should be left alone
...and i forgot to say it also makes a loud and important statement ((i couldn't think of the word i was going to use :P sry))

there's more to living than being alive

~Anberlin

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

2 posted 2007-09-14 01:00 AM

This is great.. It reminds me so much of the girl i used to be and the emotions and describing is so real.. There is absolutely NOTHING fake about this piece of amazingly wonderful work...

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

3 posted 2007-09-14 06:07 PM

Sounds like she had a great time,
Oh man oh man

I really loved this!
Good job

-Ash-

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

4 posted 2007-09-15 11:24 AM

i have to say this is really inspirational for me and this is an amazing piece of poetry. the intensity was very good and the writing style was unique. i liked this alot.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

5 posted 2007-09-15 08:30 PM

woah this was so amazign I am glad I found time to read it. The way it flowed the message it stated. Rang loud for me. So true.
Krysti

Leanne <3
Member

since 2007-08-25

Posts 216
N.S.W, Australia

6 posted 2007-09-16 12:08 PM

i love the message being sent out in this one

also its written really well! nice work.

Tinsel
Junior Member

since 2007-06-04

Posts 36
UK

7 posted 2007-09-17 12:42 PM

Thanks guys!

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