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Teen Poetry #8
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Leaving You
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Leaving You |
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ilu0612 New Member
since 2007-08-28
Posts 1Elizabeth, New Jersey |
Its sunday night and we've both been drinking, you give me that look, the look of disapointment. I know I've done nothing but in your eyes I've done more than enough. My little girl is asleep on the living room floor, and I just know I cant do this anymore, im 16 baby. I just want to go, go somewhere far. Leave her here, never I dont want to be my mother. You saw this coming, you saw me cracking underneath, I told you before her I knew I wasn't ready, this life is not what i really wanted it was handed to me from you. I get up from the kitchen table with tears in my eys, I head towards the door when I relize I cant leave you. We have them bad days but every one does, we have good days and damn are they good. I love you, and I know you love me more. You see me for me and allow my stupid blonde self, even know once in awhile i get you annoyed. So before I turn the knobe I want you to change my mind. And before I know it you grab me and stop me from leaving like my mother did to me and my father, you apoligize and hug me tight. And just like that I know this is where I wanna be. And just when i put everything back together.... it just completely falls apart. ^^^06.12.07^^^ |
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| © Copyright 2007 ilu0612 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jayjara Member
since 2007-05-02
Posts 90Florida |
for such a strong subject you are writing about, obviously very powerful...I feel u were holding back in the poem. I think you should trust your writing skill to vent out what you want 2 say w/o thinking about what others might think..but that's my opinion...maybe you did give it your all... nice, g'luk -J |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
I like the last line I think it does have the power that the rest of the poem could have, also maybe try not to invert your sentences. If they read not inverted it will work better, and you don't have a rhyme scheme so there is no reason really to leave them inverted |
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