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Teen Poetry #8
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spinning
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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spinning |
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rhia_5779 Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334California |
drama and gossip played such a part in last year, we all snapped, took it too far as long as You weren’t being teased, it was okay to laugh at who ever was, victim of the day 'long as your feelings weren't being hurt, who cares if you could laugh, how is it so unfair we were more than happy to spread rumors and lies but where were We , when we all made her cry spinning in circles, over again can we stop if so , go tell me when weaving webs built on deceit though there were also few good deeds what happened to forgiving or even trust? what made cruelty such a major must? we almost lost the meaning of being friends so close to the edge, luckily we'll mend we made jokes to pretend this wasn't there if it’s gone, when it’s brought up, then why care? nobody wanted to actually admit the truth that we still had problems to fix spinning in circles, over again turning around in what was then through out the year, ignoring and pretending we managed, together, trying and mending we still had left a years worth of trouble over the summer it just doubled nobody waved a wand, nothing disappeared we just got good at hiding what was still there It’s sad that not one of us could really live without all the drama, and all of this trapped on a wheel spinning round and round I tell you one day it will bring us down. |
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| © Copyright 2006 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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mgoodman1989 Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 93Iowa, USA |
Nice write Rhia, lol didn't even realize there was a new room.... thought you'd stopped writing... Anyway, glad I found you, Keep the good poems a 'comin Much love, Michelle *I love him oh yes I do, he's for me and not for you, and if by chance you take my place, I'll take my fist and smash your face!* |
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the_girl_next_door Senior Member
since 2006-02-26
Posts 591USA |
I really really really liked this last part in this poem. but the whole thing was very nicely done. I don't like, however, how you cut up your lines and cut off thoughts at the end of the line and went to the next with it or when you put a comma in the middle of a complete thought. I think if you fixed that it'd be even better. But I really like your word usage and the emotion in this. Keep it up <3 Heather Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes. |
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