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Teen Poetry #8
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Going Insane (please read)
| Teen Poetry #8 |
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Going Insane (please read) |
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BrittanyJ Member
since 2007-06-03
Posts 461Come find me? |
i don't understand what's taking place. sometimes i wish i wasn't running this race. it's much too difficult for someone like me. who carries thier burdens for all others to see. i wish i could let go like everyone else can. i wish i didn't need some sad excuse for a man. i wish i didn't need you to keep my pain away. but sadly i do so i guess you'll have to stay. i can't turn you back though i probably should. i need to pull myself together if only i could. i'm fading away fast please just let me go. it's all for the best i'm in pain, you know. i'm leaving you now not in body, but mind. i couldn't handle my life and it was just time. i can't see the light i'm think i'm going insane. but i need you to know it's just me, hiding pain. So no more hiding all your pain, you deserve a new start. That's why i'm closing myself away, this is a message from your heart. [This message has been edited by BrittanyJ (07-14-2007 12:24 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2007 Brittany Johnson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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WaterFairy103 Member
since 2006-05-31
Posts 196 |
Wow... this is incredible. It's flawless as far as I'm concerned. If you ever need to talk, btw, my e-mail is [email protected], I'm always here for you! I'm the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries. |
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beautyincalvary Member
since 2006-07-13
Posts 98 |
i'd just take out the first "that" you have; it isn't needed. otherwise, good rhyming. |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN |
very nice emotion flow as well as rythm. i loved the whole spectrum i got from this piece. |
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BrittanyJ Member
since 2007-06-03
Posts 461Come find me? |
Thank you WaterFairy  And thanks to the rest of ya for reading it!!So no more hiding all your pain, you deserve a new start. That's why i'm closing myself away, this is a message from your heart. |
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jayjara Member
since 2007-05-02
Posts 90Florida |
Kool flow, easy to read. Seems like one of those poems where you were just sitting down and just started writing what came to your mind on the subject. -J |
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BrittanyJ Member
since 2007-06-03
Posts 461Come find me? |
Thanks It kinda was...So no more hiding all your pain, you deserve a new start. That's why i'm closing myself away, this is a message from your heart. |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
woah this is so amazing one of my fav. by you. really loved this hunnie. ~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~ |
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surf_painter Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 434Canada |
i would have to say there was potential in the poem but i think alot of the rhymning seemed forced |
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Tinsel Junior Member
since 2007-06-04
Posts 36UK |
Amazing. Although in "i'm leaving you now not in body, but mind. i couldn't handle my life and it was just time." The tense seems a little mixed because it jumps from you leaving the person in the present to the past. It might make a bit more sense if it was "I can't handle my life and it is just time" Then again, maybe it's referring to different things and I'm being a spaz XD |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Brittany, Hey I thought that you expressed your feelings well and you did a pretty good job. If you ever need to talk [email protected] or branden726 on yahoo messenger. |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Brittany, I like this just the way it is. Well done. Peace... If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, |
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BrittanyJ Member
since 2007-06-03
Posts 461Come find me? |
Thank you all so much So no more hiding all your pain, you deserve a new start. That's why i'm closing myself away, this is a message from your heart. |
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