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Teen Poetry #8

The Garden Dream

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

0 posted 2007-07-13 10:11 AM

there was once this guy who really liked me, and a few years ago when i liked him he shared this dream that he had of me with me. hes gone now, but my guy friends are always telling me that he's asking after me, so i wrote this because it reminds me that prehapps somebody loves me still.

The Garden Dream

He found her in the garden
Walking through the flowers
Her beauty is great
His love is eternal

She suddenly sitting
Glowing in her white attire
He takes her hand
And sits beside her

They speak in tones
Only their ears can hear
She sits and shines in his eyes
He cries over her splendor

What he would give
For a girl who doesn’t love him
For this was his dream
About a girl who only likes him

Sometimes he still dreams of her
She seems so far away
States apart and world between
She loves no one, and he loves only her

"I thought I'd just mention in passing . . . I always wanted a Sparkly of my very own." -Jeremy The Crow

jayjara
Member

since 2007-05-02

Posts 90
Florida

1 posted 2007-07-15 10:42 PM

The last stanza...I think it'd sound better w/ "states apart and worlds :in: between"

and then the last verse is a lil iffy. I expected the last word to flow w/ another from the same stanza..Doesn't have to rhyme, But it needs flow

Kool

-J

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2007-07-17 08:03 PM

wow this was really great. The last stanza was my favorite well the last 2 lines blew me away.
hunnie.

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

3 posted 2007-07-17 09:38 PM

this was really good. i liked it alot. i wish i had something more to say but i dont. im srry.
CO

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

4 posted 2007-07-18 07:58 AM

Orange, youdon't have to be sorry. that you liked it is enough.

-Red

"I thought I'd just mention in passing . . . I always wanted a Sparkly of my very own." -Jeremy The Crow

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