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Open Poetry #44

Woman to Girl Promise

GothicCherry
Member

since 2008-09-16

Posts 471
TN

0 posted 2009-01-25 08:47 PM

Just because you aren’t crying,
doesn’t mean that I can’t see
the tears of lose in your eyes.
Your pain is killing me.

Before she went she took my hand,
made me promise that I will care
for you always in her place.
I swore on my faith to be there.

Now, as I hold you so near,
your heart whispers silent cries.
I make my own promise to myself
never to leave your angel eyes

[This message has been edited by GothicCherry (01-25-2009 09:19 PM).]

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 posted 2009-01-25 09:11 PM

Yo GothicCherry,

You have some good ideas here.

I’d avoid starting each line with a capital letter, unless it is the begging of a sentence.

You might also look at your punctuation.

Bobby

GothicCherry
Member

since 2008-09-16

Posts 471
TN

2 posted 2009-01-25 09:15 PM

Thanks Robert,
I never really pay a lot of attention to punctuation. It's probablt time I start though. The capitalization is done automatically for some reason.

sewasham
Senior Member

since 2006-09-11

Posts 714
Oklahoma, USA

3 posted 2009-01-26 09:20 AM

Nice work. I enjoyed the read. Take care and Have fun. Steve

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