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Open Poetry #44

Looking Down

ken206573
Member

since 2008-10-14

Posts 487

0 posted 2009-01-15 04:39 PM

i climbed upon a ancient Oak tree,
creaking from one branch to another.
i reach to the top, looking down,
dazed at what i saw.
the view took my breath away,
eyes filled with tears.
they were salty,- cold...
distanced.
our world was filled with,
lies, hate, pain,
misery, no pure soul.
the seas were filled,
with death, decay,
an never-ending doom.
but this world,
was mostly in fear,
it feared the most.
at a distance,
i hear an shattering cry.
was it you, our world,
tearing apart?
breaking, ripping, shattering,
into an painful abyss?
for we looked down on others,
we look down on our community.
we look down on ourselves, ...
never trying to look up.

Anniepimm
Senior Member

since 2008-12-26

Posts 550
England

1 posted 2009-01-16 08:54 AM

Excellent poem i think you have captured the state of out society today
Well penned

Heart Shots
Junior Member

since 2009-01-16

Posts 11

2 posted 2009-01-16 12:05 PM

Very nice poem. I think maybe sometimes people forget to look up because they are consumed with the goings on around them. This was a nice reminder for me anyway. Very nice job!

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

3 posted 2009-01-16 12:22 PM

Yo ken206573,

I’m afraid this is loaded with punctuation errors, and it sometimes doesn’t make sense.

Always remember to capitalize your first person singular pronoun “I”.
Check out some of the other work by poets in the forum.

Stick with it, you’ll do fine.

Bobby

ken206573
Member

since 2008-10-14

Posts 487

4 posted 2009-01-27 04:45 PM

Anniepimm- i'm glad you enjoyed this poem, thanks for the comment.

Heartahots- thank you for reading my poem. i'm am very happy that you understand the message.

Robert E. Jordan- thanks for reading and the pointers on my punctuation mark errors.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

5 posted 2009-01-29 06:07 PM

Enjoyed the message...James

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