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Open Poetry #44
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Johan
Member
since 2009-05-13
Posts 88
Lincolnshire, England U.K.

0 posted 2009-05-16 06:36 AM



As the mist swirls in the valleys
And drifts across the fields
The ghostly shadows harden
And the ancient oaks appear
Old oaks with giant branches
And waists that spans their years
Stand proudly dripping water
From mist as though of tears
In a gentle silent clearing
Between these ancient trees
Stands a broken fallen cottage
Gnarled red ivy round the eves
In the quiet silence of the morning
Before the wakening of the birds
The sound across the clearing
Is the tap, tap tap of water
Dripping down from sodden leaves.

© Copyright 2009 Andrew Shiston - All Rights Reserved
Marcia MT
Junior Member
since 2009-05-15
Posts 36
California USA
1 posted 2009-05-16 04:19 PM


What a beautiful poem Johan. It's so visual which is one of the hallmarks of a great write. I look forward to reading more of your poetry and welcome to the blue rooms of PIP.


steavenr
Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058

2 posted 2009-05-16 10:15 PM


welcome to PiP...kept trying to find the one part of this I liked best, but that was not possible, for I would have had to copy the entire write...I liked it all...it shows the beauty of the language you used to describe it...nicely done...
Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
3 posted 2009-05-16 10:47 PM


Yo Johan,

Try to avoid starting lines with "and".

Bobby

2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
4 posted 2009-05-17 05:03 AM


beautiful share, I can feel the atmosphere and the place...great  work.

yann

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
5 posted 2009-05-17 05:08 AM


A lovely description, Andrew.

M

Klassy Lassy
Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187
Oregon
6 posted 2009-05-17 11:10 PM


Gorgeous pastoral imagery, Johan, and a little ghost-like because of the time element and old cottage.  I'm reminded of old log cabins I've seen in the woods of Oregon, only broken remants of yesteryear.  Sometimes stone fireplace are about all of them that linger.

This is a lovely poem.

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