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Open Poetry #44

Porcelain

KaeM
New Member

since 2009-04-29

Posts 3
Canada

0 posted 2009-04-29 04:25 PM

The pale porcelain veil
Of soft, tender skin
Upon my outstretched palms
Holds out for you

Waiting for you
To transpire
In the foggy luminosity
Of the misty morning sun

I am unsure
How long my arms have been
Stretched towards you
Or how long they will remain

My hands are too small
To hold out the wind
My muscles feeble
And my pale skin easily bruised

There isn’t much more
Of this ache
My porcelain hands
Can take

moonbeam

Member Elite

since 2005-12-24

Posts 2356

1 posted 2009-04-29 05:28 PM

Not bad at all. Loved the echo of porcelain in " foggy luminosity/Of the misty morning sun"

Welcome to Passions

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

2 posted 2009-04-29 06:44 PM

Nice...James

SeraphimBroken
Member

since 2009-03-09

Posts 74
USA

3 posted 2009-04-29 06:56 PM

Nice first post! Very much enjoyed. If only we all had hands to await us such as this.

KaeM
New Member

since 2009-04-29

Posts 3
Canada

4 posted 2009-04-29 08:17 PM

Thank you, guys!

KaeM
New Member

since 2009-04-29

Posts 3
Canada

5 posted 2009-04-29 08:17 PM

Edit - I don't need to say it twice! :P

[This message has been edited by KaeM (04-29-2009 09:52 PM).]

Alwye

Moderator

Member Elite

since 1999-06-16

Posts 3850
In the space between moments

6 posted 2009-04-29 08:31 PM

I'm such a sucker for great word choice:

"Waiting for you
To transpire
In the foggy luminosity
Of the misty morning sun"-- LOVED THIS! I can just see it.

The last stanza was particularly well written too. I liked the use of rhyme; it gave the poem a sense of urgency/finality.

Great poem!

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

7 posted 2009-05-01 09:16 AM

I am unsure
How long my arms have been
Stretched towards you
Or how long they will remain

My hands are too small
To hold out the wind
My muscles feeble
And my pale skin easily bruised

I like this very much... Welcome to Passions! *S*

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