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Open Poetry #44
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Suncleaver
Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481
Stafford England

0 posted 2009-04-25 09:21 PM


You bed forever cold, alone inside
The shell of grief you broke upon my chest,
The tears of shame your eyes did bleed to hide
Your tortured plans to make your final rest.

© Copyright 2009 Luke Doubtfire - All Rights Reserved
WTBAKELAR
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2008-09-09
Posts 1089
Utah, USA
1 posted 2009-04-25 10:00 PM


Interesting write.

Tracey.

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
2 posted 2009-04-25 10:41 PM


This depicts the feelings of helplessness of grief so well. The only thing I didn't like was the line where you added the "did" because it seemd to jar. Good work.

Kethry

See me, feel me, touch me, heal me. - Tommy

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
3 posted 2009-04-25 10:57 PM


Suncleaver - expressed well, nice write...

BC

critical mass
Member
since 2009-03-25
Posts 275
Michigan
4 posted 2009-04-26 08:25 PM


sounds like a suicide


Your tortured plans to make your final rest.


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