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Open Poetry #44
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pain in happiness
| Open Poetry #44 |
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pain in happiness |
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poetman Junior Member
since 2009-03-30
Posts 10 |
Hey everyone this is a poem I want to send in for a school competition and I'd appreciate it a lot if you can tell me what you think and I'm still trying to get a good heading or name for it tnx Poetman Pain in Happiness In a warm classroom on a cold day with the roaring of voices And in some people's pockets somewhere phones' noises Children trying to quiet their friends Putting up the silence fence Looking over them you see fondness, happiness and love and rumors floating like a dove somewhere in happiness I sense sadness and hate In a dark corner a boy trying to determine his fate Turning away to sob his face lifted up Looking into his defensive eyes wondering about mine Looking in he knows just like I that all is not fine There where I stand in light I start to cry the feeling one feel is dry Sorrow, anger, hate, rejection and neglect it's all there This boy's soul is bare Again he turns away because of fear his emotions ran away like a dear I returned a smile for his smile of hope and that let down a rescue rope |
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WTBAKELAR
since 2008-09-09
Posts 1089Utah, USA |
Interesting write, I understand the frustration of youth and the fears of growing up or the need to be included. The poem itself seems fine, but for extra credit, you might use punctuations. Welcome to PIP Tracey. |
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poetman Junior Member
since 2009-03-30
Posts 10 |
tnx Tracey I'll indeed fallow the advice |
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