A Fish Tale - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant

since 2000-12-22

Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

0 posted 2009-04-11 08:01 AM

A Fish Tale

restless water flows to the shore
he walks the line of tide looking
for mermaids from oceans bottom
salty legends of a true romance
searching before it gets away, again
once he had missed his moment
where he could have tasted daily
at dawn a morning kiss
but he moved on
he moved on
throwing back every fish caught
looking for every word on the list
that described the measured fable
behind him glimpses of hour glass
sands that pour for miles and miles
searching for a drink from the holy grail
if he would stop for just one moment
he would see Atlantis swims at his feet

"I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad."
— Joni Mitchell

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

1 posted 2009-04-11 09:26 AM

"once he had missed his moment
where he could have tasted daily
at dawn a morning kiss
but he moved on"

someone's loss

M

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

2 posted 2009-04-11 09:29 AM

"if he would stop for just one moment
he would see Atlantis swims at his feet"

Perfect ending to a wonderfully poetic piece.

critical mass
Member

since 2009-03-25

Posts 275
Michigan

3 posted 2009-04-11 10:15 PM

1slick_lady

Very nice use of a metaphor. Enjoyed this.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

4 posted 2009-04-12 09:15 AM

Hellen, I fall more in love with your writing with each poem that I have the privilege of reading.

Linda

rad802
Member

since 2008-04-19

Posts 279
KY U.S.A.

5 posted 2009-04-12 09:25 AM

I like this.
Good work.
Please visit my wifes forum.
It would mean a lot to her.
Thanks http://bride.hyperboards.com/index.php

Rick Delmonico

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

6 posted 2009-04-12 11:14 AM

Very interesting metaphorical application.

He moved on, sometimes that's a huge mistake like this very nice poetic tale you tell. Nice arrangement of expression here....I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Eric

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

7 posted 2009-04-13 11:19 AM

once he had missed his moment
where he could have tasted daily
at dawn a morning kiss
but he moved on
he moved on

As so many do... stepping right over heaven in their haste. *S* Beautiful, beautiful work! *S*

[This message has been edited by suthern (04-14-2009 08:36 AM).]

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

8 posted 2009-04-13 05:49 PM

cute read

steavenr
Member Elite

since 2003-11-17

Posts 4058

9 posted 2009-04-14 05:19 PM

I think I am going to repeat others here because I, too, found this to be my favorite part:

"once he had missed his moment
where he could have tasted daily
at dawn a morning kiss
but he moved on
he moved on"

...love the use of repetition here...sorta reminds me of the waves lapping at the shoreline...very nicely done...

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

10 posted 2009-04-15 12:24 PM

helen - you do have a touching heart...

BC

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.