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critical mass
Member

since 2009-03-25

Posts 275
Michigan

0 posted 2009-04-02 05:12 AM

He had that dream again
Nineteen years of guilt and shame
have brought him to this place.
He had that dream again.
A child of two, a daughter
he had left in Mississippi
He had that dream again
and Michigan is far detached
from where he wants to be
He had that dream again
She crawled to him for daddy's hug
her hands and knees were bleeding
He had that dream again
and runs to her in his driveway
for one sweet child's embrace
He had that dream again
and as their fingers touch
she's gone
and he can't see her face

He has that dream sometimes

But this year in his driveway
they both hugged and she forgave

He had that dream again
cause Nineteen years of guilt
aren't very easy to forget
He had that dream again
and still he runs to her
and as their fingers touch
she's gone
He had that dream again
the guilty dream
that haunts his sleep
but now he sees her face

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

1 posted 2009-04-02 07:27 AM

Powerful and personal

Eloise
Senior Member

since 1999-11-27

Posts 1096
Wyoming

2 posted 2009-04-02 08:15 AM

Wow, an excellent read!

Chalmette Guy
Senior Member

since 2009-03-11

Posts 1257
Louisiana

3 posted 2009-04-02 08:48 AM

Wow, profoundly touching to me personally.

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

4 posted 2009-04-02 09:22 AM

Oh... wow, indeed!!! Very powerful!!! Most excellent!

unboundpoetess
Member

since 2008-05-24

Posts 477

5 posted 2009-04-02 05:02 PM

Felt you in this, poetfriend.
You are rapidly becoming one of my faves here.

Awesome work.

Heather

critical mass
Member

since 2009-03-25

Posts 275
Michigan

6 posted 2009-04-03 01:16 AM

ThisDiamond
Eloise
Chalmette Guy
suthern
unboundpoetess

Thank you all. This isn't quite finished yet it is still in a rough draft, just trying to see how it sounds. Thank you for the replies.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

7 posted 2009-04-04 10:39 PM

Fine writing...James

noah j
Member

since 2003-03-05

Posts 82
on the open road with the wind blowing in my hair

8 posted 2009-04-04 11:52 PM

exceptional poem

critical mass
Member

since 2009-03-25

Posts 275
Michigan

9 posted 2009-04-05 04:25 AM

JamesMichael
noah j

Thanks for the replies.

angellea
Member

since 2009-03-29

Posts 144
NC, USA

10 posted 2009-04-05 01:12 PM

You plucked my heart strings, cm. Great write.

~Maranda

critical mass
Member

since 2009-03-25

Posts 275
Michigan

11 posted 2009-04-05 09:26 PM

angellea

Thanks for the reply.

I hope to rewrite this so it is a little smoother.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

12 posted 2009-04-21 12:20 PM

So how did it sound to you? I think it is very powerful - I would love to read the next/final draft.

Alison

LindsayP
Member Elite

since 2007-07-28

Posts 3410
Australia, Victoria

13 posted 2009-04-21 01:23 AM

That is a very poignant post you have posted here my friend, you wrote it well.

Life doesn't always pan out like you would hope it would. A very enjoyable read.

Lindsay

critical mass
Member

since 2009-03-25

Posts 275
Michigan

14 posted 2009-04-21 11:01 PM

Alison

I want it to sound like I wrote it.
It is really too jerky and the repeating lines annoy the hell out of me.

Next draft is on the way.

LindsayP

Nothing ever turns out the way I'd like. But life is better if it isn't predictable....I suppose.

Thanks to the both of you.

CM

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