to fetch the moon (revised - ballad version)

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Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

0 posted 2009-03-24 01:53 PM

It was too cold to leave the bed
To leave the warmth of our cocoon
But out of bed she bid me go
And fetch the moon.

I built a ladder with the wood
That lay about in my old shed
I worked with glee that night while she
Kept warm in bed.

The moon was full when I began
To scale the ladder in the sky
But I lost foot and fell down when
A plane flew by.

A few Band-Aids, a Tylenol,
A beer and I felt fresh as new
So I set up to climb again
Without ado.

An hour or two to reach the clouds,
I reached the ladder end at dawn
But as I would unhook my prize
The moon was gone.

So I scaled down the ladder for
I had to go to work that day
She made me swear to make that night
My next assay.

And failure she could not forgive
That night the moon I had to fetch
Or otherwise she swore she’d make
Of me a wretch.

At dusk I started my ascent
And I unhooked the moon. I fell
And broke my legs on my way down;
She gave me hell.

Admitted at the hospital
The doc prescribed a three week stay
She packed her makeup and her thongs
And moved away.

WTBAKELAR

Senior Member

since 2008-09-09

Posts 1089
Utah, USA

1 posted 2009-03-24 02:32 PM

My mother used to alway say:
"Can't win for loosing"
Never was quite sure what it meant, but I think it fits.

Thongs too,  Damn.

On the last lines, you might take the last word or two from the previous line, and start the last line with it,
ie:
But out of bed she bid me,
Go and fetch the moon.
I worked with glee that night while,
She kept warm in bed.
Just a thought,   WT.

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

2 posted 2009-03-24 02:43 PM

Mark,

Why start each line with a cap in a narrative poem like this? Starting each line with a cap in poetry was popular a century or more ago.

Bobby

Boshii2
Member

since 2009-02-01

Posts 146

3 posted 2009-03-24 03:44 PM

thank yoU.
i had fuN.
you are better orf without 'eR.
you just cannot please women like thaT.
next she would have sent you after the suN.
do you like the capitals at the enD?
love from boshiI 2.

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

4 posted 2009-03-24 10:22 PM

WT, thanks for reading. The idea is interesting, but it would kill the rhymes. I know they aren't so popular nowadays, but I like them.

bObbY And bOshII, thAnks fOr rEAdIng.

mArk

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

5 posted 2009-03-25 07:56 PM

LOL at the replies.
She didn't appreciate what you went through to give her the moon? Tsk tsk....good thing you didn't try to grab the Aurora Borealis!
An enjoyable read, caps or no caps.

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

6 posted 2009-03-25 10:15 PM

Thanks for reading, Midnitesun, I'm glad you've enjoyed it. I'm still not satisfied with it, it needs more work.

Mark

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