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Open Poetry #44
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Old Man out of Tune (from the Poetry Workshop)
| Open Poetry #44 |
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Old Man out of Tune (from the Poetry Workshop) |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! 
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First, thank you, Balladeer. -- Old Man out of Tune Gnarled fingers tremble, hands cuffed to the wall Once vivid eyes now pale, watery blue He realizes truth, no friends will call Demeanor timid as he waits for news A shroud of silence casts its death-like pall Remorse has settled as his panic brews His children’s trust destroyed with deepened fractures Denying bruised emotions constant churning In web of darkness, old memories captured Nocturnal dreams ensnared; they’re born from yearning A minuscule respite, their minds enraptured Then morning offers heartache’s painful burning His dreams are kisses drifting by sun light As morning casts its colors over dawn He misses sunshine more than bright moon light And rays that sparkle dew drops on the lawn Residing within cells that have no light Remembers love received - forever gone Alison |
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| © Copyright 2009 Alison - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
quote: Beautiful imagery and deep emotions captured with mastery. Love, Margherita |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Memories can bring love and light back into one's life ~ even during the darkest of times. Very well-written, Ms A!!! Love 'n a hug, Linda  |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Oh, hon... this made me think of my dad... and that continued the waterworks that were already primed this morning. *S* But aside from hugging it to my heart for personal reasons, this is a magnificent write... well done!!! |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
You write vividly of someone living a painful life in need of prayers for revival |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Written with such a beautiful soul and a poetic pen! ~ Enjoyed Alison!  ARCTIC WIND |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
This poem is touching Alison, we should care more about elder people, they know what we will be...thanks for the beautiful write. regards yann |
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WTBAKELAR
since 2008-09-09
Posts 1089Utah, USA |
Well done, Allison, Things to remember, as we all will pass along that path. Do unto others as you wish others to do unto you, might be words to heed. Nice to read you. Tracey |
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Chalmette Guy Senior Member
since 2009-03-11
Posts 1257Louisiana |
When I read the title, I thought it was about me. But a truly great poem. Seems a little different than your other ones that I have seen though. Could be that I haven't seen all of your poems. lol |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Thank you, Margherita and Linda. You both are a real class act and I respect (and appreciate) your opinions. Love, Alison - suthern, Yep, I know just what you mean. I have bawled tons lately and writing this poem was a good outlet. Hugs to you - I really feel close to you sometimes when you respond. Alison - Yes, inky, he needs prayer and forgiveness. Thank you, A - Thank you, AW. Thank you lots. A - yann, You are right. We do need to care and we need to know that they have their demons too. Alison - Very true, Tracey. There's also that old saying ... we get what is coming to us. Thank you for reading. A - Chalmette, Thank you for reading my poetry. I try to branch out so I am not just writing one style or one emotion. This poem though is deeply personal about someone who is part of my life. The best way to work through the heartache was to write about it. Alison |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
Alison, you did a fantastic job on this assignment. You're a wonderful poet, my friend. |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
painful...heart wrenching....and? done very very well |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Alison, this is fabulous. Such a haunting and visual read. You've captured a certain feel to this, that really pulls the reader in. Technically and emotionally ... really well done. Much enjoyed. Best wishes, /Kit |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
What a portrait of a tired, diminished man that you've struck in fine chord and rhyme, Alison. You took hints and theory from one of the best! Kudos, little girl. You done did good! |
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Fizzle Junior Member
since 2009-03-21
Posts 38 |
And rays that sparkle dew drops on the lawn Residing within cells that have no light Remembers love received - forever gone Beautiful and poignant imagery. The last line makes me sad, since I get it. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Sometimes, I realize how negligent I am in showing the appreciation that I feel for every comment offered to me. - Sue, You enthusiastic support means a great deal to me - as does the friendship that you have offered me. Thank you. xooxxo Alison - Thank you, SEA. This is a very painful poem - it may have been the most difficult poem I have attempted to write. Thank you again for taking the time to read. Hugs to you, Alison - Kit, Thank you for expressing your thoughts - this person is someone very close to me. The emotion flowed and I miss him lots. xoxoxo Alison - Sunnyshine, He is tired, old and broken. Thank you for reading. xoxoxo A - Fizzle, Thank you for getting it and letting me know that you did. Alison |
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