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Open Poetry #44
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Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

0 posted 2009-03-22 09:49 PM


First, thank you, Balladeer.

--

Old Man out of Tune


Gnarled fingers tremble, hands cuffed to the wall
Once vivid eyes now pale, watery blue
He realizes truth, no friends will call
Demeanor timid as he waits for news
A shroud of silence casts its death-like pall
Remorse has settled as his panic brews

His children’s trust destroyed with deepened fractures
Denying bruised emotions constant churning
In web of darkness, old memories captured
Nocturnal dreams ensnared; they’re born from yearning
A minuscule respite, their minds enraptured
Then morning offers heartache’s painful burning

His dreams are kisses drifting by sun light
As morning casts its colors over dawn
He misses sunshine more than bright moon light
And rays that sparkle dew drops on the lawn
Residing within cells that have no light
Remembers love received - forever gone


Alison

© Copyright 2009 Alison - All Rights Reserved
Margherita
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since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
1 posted 2009-03-23 04:42 AM


quote:
His dreams are kisses drifting by sun light
As morning casts its colors over dawn



Beautiful imagery and deep emotions captured with mastery.

Love,
Margherita

Earth Angel
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since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
2 posted 2009-03-23 08:41 AM


Memories can bring love and light back into one's life ~ even during the darkest of times.

Very well-written, Ms A!!!

Love 'n a hug,
Linda



suthern
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Louisiana
3 posted 2009-03-23 09:07 AM


Oh, hon... this made me think of my dad... and that continued the waterworks that were already primed this morning. *S*

But aside from hugging it to my heart for personal reasons, this is a magnificent write... well done!!!

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
4 posted 2009-03-23 10:34 AM


You write vividly of someone living a painful life in need of prayers for revival

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
5 posted 2009-03-23 11:37 AM


Written with such a beautiful soul and a poetic pen! ~ Enjoyed Alison!


ARCTIC WIND

2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
6 posted 2009-03-23 12:24 PM


This poem is touching Alison, we should care more about elder people, they know what we will be...thanks for the beautiful write.

regards

yann

WTBAKELAR
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Utah, USA
7 posted 2009-03-23 03:30 PM


Well done, Allison,
Things to remember, as we all will pass along that path.
Do unto others as you wish others to do unto you, might be words to heed.

Nice to read you.

Tracey

Chalmette Guy
Senior Member
since 2009-03-11
Posts 1257
Louisiana
8 posted 2009-03-23 04:01 PM


When I read the title, I thought it was about me.

But a truly great poem. Seems a little different than your other ones that I have seen though. Could be that I haven't seen all of your poems. lol

Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
9 posted 2009-03-24 01:14 AM


Thank you, Margherita and Linda.  You both are a real class act and I respect (and appreciate) your opinions.

Love,
Alison

-

suthern,

Yep, I know just what you mean.  I have bawled tons lately and writing this poem was a good outlet.  

Hugs to you - I really feel close to you sometimes when you respond.

Alison

-

Yes, inky, he needs prayer and forgiveness.

Thank you,
A

-

Thank you, AW.  Thank you lots.

A

-

yann,

You are right.  We do need to care and we need to know that they have their demons too.

Alison

-

Very true, Tracey.  There's also that old saying ... we get what is coming to us.

Thank you for reading.

A

-

Chalmette,

Thank you for reading my poetry.  I try to branch out so I am not just writing one style or one emotion.

This poem though is deeply personal about someone who is part of my life.  The best way to work through the heartache was to write about it.

Alison

Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586
Oklahoma USA
10 posted 2009-03-24 11:12 PM


Alison, you did a fantastic job on this assignment. You're a wonderful poet, my friend.
SEA
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with you
11 posted 2009-03-25 12:15 PM


painful...heart wrenching....and? done very very well
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
12 posted 2009-03-25 06:58 AM


Alison, this is fabulous. Such a haunting and visual read. You've captured a certain feel to this, that really pulls the reader in. Technically and emotionally ... really well done. Much enjoyed.

Best wishes,
/Kit

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
13 posted 2009-03-25 07:22 PM


What a portrait of a tired, diminished man
that you've struck in fine chord and rhyme,
Alison. You took hints and theory from one
of the best! Kudos, little girl. You done
did good!




Fizzle
Junior Member
since 2009-03-21
Posts 38

14 posted 2009-03-25 07:56 PM


And rays that sparkle dew drops on the lawn
Residing within cells that have no light
Remembers love received - forever gone

Beautiful and poignant imagery. The last line makes me sad, since I get it.

Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
15 posted 2009-05-07 02:41 AM


Sometimes, I realize how negligent I am in showing the appreciation that I feel for every comment offered to me.

-

Sue,

You enthusiastic support means a great deal to me - as does the friendship that you have offered me.  Thank you.

xooxxo
Alison

-

Thank you, SEA.  This is a very painful poem - it may have been the most difficult poem I have attempted to write.  Thank you again for taking the time to read.

Hugs to you,
Alison

-

Kit,

Thank you for expressing your thoughts - this person is someone very close to me.  The emotion flowed and I miss him lots.

xoxoxo
Alison

-

Sunnyshine,

He is tired, old and broken. Thank you for reading.

xoxoxo
A

-

Fizzle,

Thank you for getting it and letting me know that you did.

Alison

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