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Open Poetry #44

A moment's weakness

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-29

Posts 7115
South Africa

0 posted 2009-01-06 01:45 PM

And as it was bound to be
a moment’s weakness came to me
swiftly like a viper strike
in the silence of a sojourn.

Its stare eye-level broke the cold
of a woman’s sure resolve
and thawed control until it leaked
from eyes turned back in time.

The plight of one so entwined
like a swift intake of breath
hardly noticed, hardly missed,
and hardly there at all
but know to be a mountain
where rolling fields should be.

A moment’s weakness came to me
when I remembered you!

Helen / 6 January 2009

[This message has been edited by Honeybunch (01-06-2009 04:21 PM).]

marc3696
New Member

since 2009-01-02

Posts 9

1 posted 2009-01-06 03:15 PM

That poem is really good.
great choice of words.
I love the last two lines...
keep on writting

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

2 posted 2009-01-06 03:25 PM

I think this is one of your best, Helen.
Ida

steavenr
Member Elite

since 2003-11-17

Posts 4058

3 posted 2009-01-06 05:25 PM

"hardly noticed, hardly missed,
and hardly there at all"

...I read this over and over and the more I read it, the more I fell in love with it...nice, so very nice

WindWalker11
Junior Member

since 2008-12-24

Posts 41

4 posted 2009-01-07 08:28 PM

I love this one!!!!

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

5 posted 2009-01-07 10:04 PM

Honeybunch - very well written, enjoyed reading this...

BC

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-29

Posts 7115
South Africa

6 posted 2009-01-07 11:06 PM

Thank you all so much! Memory can be an awful thing sometimes but one day that will be all we'll have so best, I think, to learn to live with them now.

Helen

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

7 posted 2009-01-08 01:37 AM

Happens to all of us but you've rendered it so well here and I love this verse so much!

Its stare eye-level broke the cold
of a woman’s sure resolve
and thawed control until it leaked
from eyes turned back in time.

There's some wonderful descriptive artistic language in those lines.

Eric

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