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Open Poetry #44
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A Rose on the Grave (Song Lyrics)
| Open Poetry #44 |
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A Rose on the Grave (Song Lyrics) |
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Suncleaver Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481Stafford England 
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Hey guys. I've been working on a doom metal song for a while now on bass and guitar with a bit of programming as well. Very slow, heavy, mournful yet melodic stuff. I've just recently wrote the lyrics so I'd like to know what people think please. Thanks in advance. Angel of stone cries diamond tears Alone in the company of the dead But my eyes they weep only for you My ears they echo with words unsaid Death seraph spread thy raven wings Shroud me in silence of solitude Bear me away to my lover's arms Take me from life I've long eschewed (Chorus) A rose on the grave A lone lover mourns A wicked sky mocks The broken and torn Where is my god? He's fled far from here Leaving the clouds To shed acid tears Must I press my weary cheek Forever to this monument Of beauty long fled this world Without you now I am spent (Chorus) (Breakdown) Show me a light Show me an angel Any sign of life's rebirth Don't let there be No more to you Than six feet of vermiculate earth God in heaven Do you not weep? Will you not return my lover? Will you keep Your jealous guard? Throw me to the arms of another? (Chorus) Never sigh for a better world, it's already composed, played and told. |
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| © Copyright 2009 Luke Doubtfire - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
"Angel of stone cries diamond tears Alone in the company of the dead But my eyes they weep only for you My ears they echo with words unsaid" Just my humble opinion, if you take out 'they' it has more impact. Stones crying 'diamond tears' is good poetic imagery.  |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
"Angel of stone cries diamond tears Alone in the company of the dead But my eyes they weep only for you My ears they echo with words unsaid" like this part a lot ~*~ "Death seraph spread thy raven wings Shroud me in silence of solitude Bear me away to my lover's arms Take me from life I've long eschewed" "eschewed" that word just doesn't seem to fit into a metal song...but that is just my thoughts.  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Would love to hear the music behind the words. Enjoyed! |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
~ potent, brooding, mordant... and highly poetic!!! So, you're a song-writer and musician as well as a fine poet! You're a regular rennaissance man!  Love 'n a hug, Linda  |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
quote: The melancholy is rendered intensely. Good job. Love, Margherita |
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Suncleaver Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481Stafford England |
Thanks guys. I'll have a play around with this. I might need more lyrics as I've got half a million chugging riffs and melancholic leads and I really hate reforming ideas based on one concept into other songs. Maybe a half time feel, a few more chord changes and speed up the breakdown a bit... And thanks Linda. I tried painting once but you've never seen anything so dreadful in all your life. Never sigh for a better world, it's already composed, played and told. |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Luke, m'dear, I bet your paintings were better than you perceived them to be! Besides, practice makes perfect! When I was in elementary school, I always got C's in art. Oh, how that frustrated me because I loved to draw and paint. Well, wouldn't ya know! ~ I eventually owned my own art business and commissions kept me busy, busy! I even have paintings in limited edition prints! So, if you want to paint ~ then paint! Eventually you will become an 'artiste' ~ as you are in so many other genres!!!  Love 'n a hug, Linda |
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Suncleaver Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481Stafford England |
Thanks again Linda. But I spend so much time writing a) poetry b) music, or c) my novel that I'd probably paint a man pulling his hair out! Never sigh for a better world, it's already composed, played and told. |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Some good metal phrases in this but I think the tag is too long with too many questions. However, that's just me and this is metal so you can squeeze in what you want. I really love the hook (title)! It's superb! "A Rose On The Grave" Yep that's great. I wonder if you worked the hook into the tag in a couple of places and took out some of the questions. Cause you can go from heavy to light when it comes to that hook and it will drive it deep into the listener. Even some harmony with the hook, the contrast will be great, but that's just my humble opinion. Don't rush these lyrics. Eric |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
Oh my, the talent just drips from you doesn't it? I write songs as well, paint, write poetry, and I am writing a book....we share alot in common. When I get the songs coming to me, I can hear the words, the melody, the bridge and the chorus...I could produce my own songs, I sing as well, do you? ~HUGS ARH |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
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Suncleaver Member
since 2009-01-18
Posts 481Stafford England |
I don't sing so much as growl and roar. I did say metal didn't I? :p Maybe I should recruit a real melodic singer so I can focus on guitar. It's a pain doing vocals over certain rhythm patterns, my multitasking isn't exactly brilliant. Fancy joining a gothic doom metal band dear Heart? And happy St. Patrick's day. With love, Luke. Never sigh for a better world, it's already composed, played and told. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
My ears they echo with words unsaid I agree with Midnitesun about deleting "they"... otherwise, I really really like this! Striking images... fantastic chorus! |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
well some of the metal bands I listen to, always have one or two love ballads lol, yes I could fancy that dear Luke.... besides, my entire wardrobe is black anyway, they call me the lady in black...lol where do I sign? lol! I could be the new Evanesence "Bring Me To Life" ~Hugs ARH |
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