The clocks in whirlpools spin the hours...

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Teen Poetry #1

The clocks in whirlpools spin the hours...

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 1999-09-12 01:06 AM

The clocks in whirlpool spin the hours
My heart is drowning in this flood
I hear the whispers from the flowers
“She loves you not, she loves you not”

My pen is leaking on the paper
The ink just flows into a dot
I hear the whispers growing greater
“She loves you not, she loves you not”

I’m having problems simply breathing
There’s a virus in my blood
The stubborn flowers keep repeating
“She loves you not, she loves you not”

But here we are, she stands beside me
And in her eyes I see enough
I hear a voice which cries inside me
“I found my love, I found my love”

Maitay
Member

since 1999-07-16

Posts 158
Sisters,OR,USA

1 posted 1999-09-14 08:45 PM

You are truly talented. alot of us have to force our poems to ryme but you made that one work wonders. Keep writing your talent is awesome.

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~The price of finding love is to eventually lose it. When I wish on a falling star, I wish not for material goods but to show kindness to others and be content with what the world may offer me~

Systematic Decay
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........

2 posted 1999-09-16 04:46 PM

I thought that was really beautiful, especially since I can completely relate to it. I thought I was doomed to roam the earth forever lonely, but I found love in a very unlikely place.

"I love you for what I am not,
I do not want what I have got."
-Kurt Cobain-

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

3 posted 1999-09-16 06:26 PM

THanks Maitay, that's the whole purpose of rhyming, to enchanse the meaning of the poem and when the rhyme is forced the poem loses meaning.
Thanks for your comments Systemic Decay, I'm glad you were able to fall in love. PS: I love your signature, NIRVANA rules!

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I fell in love and kept on falling

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