I need a title and some input

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Jenn
New Member

since 1999-08-04

Posts 8
Clay,New York United States

0 posted 1999-08-05 09:53 PM

We’ve been together since the beginning on my life.
Then this year you left, and it cut me like a knife.

You left in the most important year,
I miss you so much, you were so dear.

I never got to say goodbye,
I just sat there and began to cry.

I hated you for leaving,
They loved me for grieving.

I tried to forget that night,
I tried to see the light.

But I just couldn’t understand your reason,
I couldnt understand why you left during a happy season.

So as I sit here tonight at your tombstone,
I remember your last moan,

And I remember your encouraging words,
That you priased of the lord.

Now I need you again my dear grandmother,
I need your guiding hand, I dont mean to be a bother.

I’m losing control of all the things I do,
Things aren’t the same without you.

I wish for you back everynight,
I close my eyes real tight,

And I wonder if God heard my prayers for you night to go,
Then I remembered the words that were told to me a while ago.

These words still ring in my head,
They remain there even when I’m in bed.

The words that I now live by,
The words that help me say goodbye.

These words that I speak of are
"Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"

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Angel
Senior Member

since 1999-07-02

Posts 551
Pennsylvania

1 posted 1999-08-05 10:03 PM

Maybe, An Unanswered Prayer?
It is a really great poem but in some spots it seems like you are trying to force a rhyme and you should never do that. One of the poets I most admire once told me never to give up what you are trying to express for keeping the form of your poetry. All I can tell you is write from your heart, you have tremendous talent. That is my opinion.

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People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
-Bob Hope

Slim Shady
Junior Member

since 1999-08-03

Posts 32
Phoenix, AZ, USA

2 posted 1999-08-05 10:13 PM

That is some great advice Angel

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"That's Rock Bottom
When this life makes you mad enough to kill...
That's Rock Bottom
When you want something bad enough you'll steal...
That's Rock Bottom
When you feel you have had it up to here
Cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear"

Words by the Slim Shady

Jenn
New Member

since 1999-08-04

Posts 8
Clay,New York United States

3 posted 1999-08-05 10:17 PM

thanks angel for the advice. i aperciate it

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