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Teen Poetry #1
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i could really use comments and a name onthis1
| Teen Poetry #1 |
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i could really use comments and a name onthis1 |
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Mike1sacks Member
since 1999-07-24
Posts 103Bklyn ny,usa |
all i want is her but you stand in my way shes all i ever wanted and u think all i want is play shes all i ever dream of every night and day and every time we're together u never let me stay U know the way i am thats y u care so much wen i went to hug her u wouldnt let me slip a touch If i promise not to hurt her will u let us be aloan? becuase the way i feel about her that feelings way to strong They say ur out to kill me but wat have i done wrong all i did is love ur sister and u can never kill true love MikeSacks © ------------------ I'm not a poet!!,E.A.Poe was a poet. I'm jus a person who likes to show off his writnig to ppl...but i can never call my slef a poet...its a dream not reality Mike1Sacks@aol.com |
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| © Copyright 1999 Mike1sacks - All Rights Reserved | |||
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countrygirl19_73 Junior Member
since 1999-08-02
Posts 12HERMANN MO |
Well Mike I am not a poet either and correct me if I am wrong but for you to write something like that and for it to come from your heart you should give yourself some credit. I don't really know what you could call it name wise but how about "Restricted Love"? ------------------ Lori K. Perkins |
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Addie Anne Junior Member
since 1999-07-22
Posts 46norman, oklahoma- usa |
hey, i read it. it was good and i agree with the comment above about you being a poet if it comes from your heart. and a title? hum.............. i like the title above. |
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Mike1sacks Member
since 1999-07-24
Posts 103Bklyn ny,usa |
1 |
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Slim Shady Junior Member
since 1999-08-03
Posts 32Phoenix, AZ, USA |
I'm going to give an honest opinion... The poem was very good, but I think you should change the last line, it doens't flow well with the rest of the poem. You should also consider spell checking you writing. I love the poem though, and it will be even better if you make the above changes. Keep up the good work. ------------------ "That's Rock Bottom When this life makes you mad enough to kill... That's Rock Bottom When you want something bad enough you'll steal... That's Rock Bottom When you feel you have had it up to here Cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear" Words by the Slim Shady |
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loveshy New Member
since 1999-08-04
Posts 1 |
i THINK THE POEM...WAS ..VERY INTERISTIN. bUT I GUESS A TRUE POET WRITES FROM HIS/HER HEART...wHETHER IT GETS PUBLISHED OR NOT, ITS STILL A PIECE OF ART...EMAIL ME SOETIME AND WE COULD CHAT...LUVSHY101@AOL.COM. ------------------ *~kRISSY~* |
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Misty Member
since 1999-08-01
Posts 121USA |
I agree with the first two replies! Your a poet and you know it!  I couldn't help but rhyum! It's a cute poem from the heart and that's all that counts! you don't have to correct your spelling! It shows character, of who you are it's different you don't always have to do it the right way (spelling everything right!) it's your piece and you don't have to change a thing!!! as for a title, I like "Restricted love!"keep on posten your poems, or as you call them, "showing off his writtings" Later! ------------------ ©Misty |
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Mike1sacks Member
since 1999-07-24
Posts 103Bklyn ny,usa |
1 |
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Starr_Scott Junior Member
since 1999-08-06
Posts 26Brownwood, Texas, USA |
GREAT POEM!!!!! Very good and also as everyone already mentioned your a great writter. Looking forward to reading the rest. STARR ------------------ |
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doritos Junior Member
since 1999-07-31
Posts 21 |
wonderful poem, restricted love... amazing title. just asking, how can you change the poem's title when you're editing it? I want to change some of mine. |
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Mike1sacks Member
since 1999-07-24
Posts 103Bklyn ny,usa |
1 |
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