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Broken Pieces (ever feel broken?)
| Teen Poetry #1 |
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Broken Pieces (ever feel broken?) |
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Gedanken Junior Member
since 1999-07-04
Posts 16New york |
Broken Pieces on the floor Do i really need you anymore Broken image walking to the door I need you even more than before Touching the nob on the door Cry out wishing this was no more You leave me in pain to the Core now I sit silently upon the floor No thought no need of tears anymore Nothing can change it now your out the door All i see now is you wearing your bright decore And all these broken pieces on the floor ------------------ I say to all who listens, we'll never win!! |
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| © Copyright 1999 Gedanken - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Delilah Junior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 36The Wonderful America |
I liked your poem. I don't really think it's necessary to make every ending word rhyme. I think it takes away from your meaning because your word choices are so much more limited. Just a thought.  Keep writing! |
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