Teen Poetry #1 |
No filling of the void....? |
Maitay Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 158Sisters,OR,USA |
Since the day he left I needed someone to take his place To hold me near to fill my hearts empty space. To know that I was wanted and never alone again Then you tryed to sweep me away but I couldn't let you win. I did not know but this heart was still sore I unknowingly led you on and you just wanted more. You say I'm a jewel of this, you say you're sure but will I ache again for this thought I cant endure. For all the love in the world I just want one taste but fate will chastise me for jumping with haste. When I wont let you in dont think I dont care I care to much for me and you but feelings for you just arent there. What a wonderful friend you have proven to be much more then anyone you were always there for me. So when I let you down by not returning love it's not because I dont care but because I care too much. This was my first attempt at a ryming poem, it makes since to me. Good or bad, all coments are welcome. ------------------ ~The price of finding love is to eventually lose it. When I wish on a falling star, I wish not for material goods but to show kindness to others and be content with what the world may offer me~ ~Maitay Mirabel Litton~ [This message has been edited by Maitay (edited 09-23-1999).] [This message has been edited by Maitay (edited 09-29-1999).] |
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© Copyright 1999 Ember - All Rights Reserved | |||
Maitay Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 158Sisters,OR,USA |
ok, did it suck so bad that no one will comment? ------------------ ~The price of finding love is to eventually lose it. When I wish on a falling star, I wish not for material goods but to show kindness to others and be content with what the world may offer me~ ~Maitay Mirabel Litton~ |
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Maitay Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 158Sisters,OR,USA |
This was the 1st ryming poem I've written, and I've gotten not even a negative reply. I personally, would enjoy to read any comments, even critisism. Thanks ya'll ------------------ ~The price of finding love is to eventually lose it. When I wish on a falling star, I wish not for material goods but to show kindness to others and be content with what the world may offer me~ ~Maitay Mirabel Litton~ |
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Maitay Member
since 1999-07-16
Posts 158Sisters,OR,USA |
hope ya'll like the new version... ------------------ ~The price of finding love is to eventually lose it. When I wish on a falling star, I wish not for material goods but to show kindness to others and be content with what the world may offer me~ ~Maitay Mirabel Litton~ |
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chollagrl4 Member
since 1999-08-10
Posts 65brick |
this poem is really good, it doesnt suck at all. I think it shows a lot of emotion and talent |
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Cosey Junior Member
since 1999-06-21
Posts 14To., Ont, Can. |
I know exactly the situation yr talking about. "and i confess that i tortured the dress that you wore for the world to look through" -leonard cohen |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
For a first attempt at rhyme, this was really good in both the rhyme and the expression of emotion. Elizabeth Why ME??? |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
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