being with him 21/2 years but doubting our love

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Cute Aquarius

Unregistered

New Member
Posts 4

0 posted 2004-10-27 09:45 PM

Well, you know I have been with my boyfriend for a while now (21/2) years...and well, I am scared because even though he's a great guy, nice, smart and good looking I can't seem to feel that we're not right for each other...I mean, I should be crazy about him but I am not.

You see, he's not romantic and deep like I am. He's more practical...he's an engineeer and thus thinkg like one= technical+ practical. even though he's so great and nice I feel that there is someone out there better suited for each other...but I can't seem to be able to break up...people that know us would think I am crazy...should I risk this relationship for a chance at something deeper? And my doubt is, is there someone better for me out there...am I throwing this away for nothing? Please, I need advice!

Cute Aquarius

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2004-10-27 11:53 PM

you already know the answer to that is yes, you should break up with him. But it's a scary thing, to hold onto an "ok" guy or to stand alone and wait for someone that we both know should be there but may not ever come. You have to let the "ok" guy go, so when mister "I've dreamed about a man like you my whole life" comes along, you aren't tied down.

It's ok to love the guy you are with, and know at the same time, that he isn't the love of your life. He is there to teach you what you need, want, and don't want. So when you do meet "the one" you recognize him

that is what all boyfriends are (lessons in love), until we meet the one that becomes our husband. Good luck sweetie, and if you need to talk, just email me...

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant

since 2004-10-12

Posts 6688
Waukegan

2 posted 2004-10-29 09:31 PM

“he's not romantic and deep like I am.
He's more practical...he's an engineer.”

“deep like I am” coming from someone who signs as “Cute Aquarius”

Think of it this way: there’s a very good practical possibility that he
could find someone much better suited to him than you and the only
reason he allows you to waste time out of the one life he has is because
he thinks it would be the wrong thing to leave you, (as some of his
friends have probably suggested if not urged him to do). So why
don’t you do him a favor, let him off the hook, so he can get on with
his life with someone else?

Skyfyre
Senior Member

since 1999-08-15

Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap

3 posted 2004-10-29 11:34 PM

Well ... that was ... harsh.

My best advice to you is that a public internet forum is not the best place to ask advice about significant, important issues in your life. If your computer is on the fritz or you need a good recipe for salsa, great; if you're talking about something that may affect you (and your significant other) for the rest of your life, you're in the wrong place.

Think of it this way; it's kind of like standing on the street corner with a bag over your head, asking random strangers the same question you posted. Would you do that?

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant

since 2004-10-12

Posts 6688
Waukegan

4 posted 2004-10-30 02:08 AM

"Well ... that was ... harsh."

Yes, but two and a half years is two and a half years,
and if Cute Aquarius is still yearning/waiting for
a man romantic and deep like she is, (for whom,
the implication is, she would leave her practical
engineer), then she should have enough respect
for that engineer to let him go to find someone
else.

[This message has been edited by Huan Yi (10-30-2004 05:42 AM).]

Ron

Administrator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-05-19

Posts 8669
Michigan, US

5 posted 2004-10-30 09:31 AM

You're creating a mountain of assumptions, John, not the least of which is that any man somehow needs permission to leave a relationship, with no clear intent to be helpful. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems you're just trying to form a clever and rather thinly veiled insult? What I don't understand is why.

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant

since 2004-10-12

Posts 6688
Waukegan

6 posted 2004-10-30 10:57 AM

Ron,

I’m considering the life and the feelings
of the man here.  I’ve come across some
who did feel they needed permission;
that somehow leaving a relationship,
for whatever good reason, was itself wrong.

I remember, once,  a co-worker who divorced and
left her husband in pursuit of a man she
thought “the one” who told me she had
never really loved her husband, (Stan).
“Why did you marry him?”  I asked.
“Well, I knew he wouldn’t get drunk
and beat me, and he was the best thing
around at the time.”  I met Stan; nice
guy; maybe not Don Juan, but certainly
deserved not to be used as a temporary
convenience while Mister Right was
being waited for.

John

CuteAquarius

Unregistered

New Member
Posts 1

7 posted 2004-10-31 01:00 PM

I guess the reason I am writing about my problem in here is because I needed several opinions and asking the ones I know and love is much harder than you think. My boyfriend and I have been together for a while and we've changed in many ways. I know he realizes that this relationship is not what it used to be. Believe me when I say that breaking up with someone you've been with for so long and loved and respect is very difficult.

I am sorry to have upset people who obviously have deep emotions about this subject.

Jabirah

Unregistered

New Member
Posts 5

8 posted 2004-11-01 02:08 PM

Mysterious love, uncertain treasure, Hast thou more of pain or pleasure! . . . . Endless torments dwell above thee: Yet who would live, and live without thee! -Addison

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

9 posted 2004-11-05 01:57 PM

Sometimes being different from your partner isn't such a bad thing. Try talking to him about it... it will make things better- whether you stay together or not- because the best gauge of whether you should or shouldn't stay together is probably the person most involved in it... him.

Oh, and that Huan Yi guy's just a jerk (sorry Ron, he has it comin') and thinks he's a whole lot smarter than he really is (seriously- read all 8 billion of his posts). So don't pay him any mind.

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

10 posted 2004-11-05 11:23 PM

Ouch - matters of the heart are neither black nor white - one cannot judge another by their own experiences for we are each so very different, and yet, one may feel compassion for another for on many levels we are all so much the same - we all want love, happiness, and a good life.

My advice - sit down and talk to him, tell him how you feel, ask him how he feels - talk. And if you question your love now, there is good reason for a thourough examination of this - I have a girlfriend who was screaming inside all the way down the isle "I don't want to do this" but did so for other's benefit - the divorce was painful - happily, no children were involved-once that happens, everything becomes so much more complicated and rife with possible causulties -

Yes deep consideration is needed here -

And friends - do not let pride stir anger - rather let compassion guide -

Best to all -

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

11 posted 2004-11-06 01:47 PM

You know almost all things get resolved in communication. I hope you two talk to each other openly and honestly, and whatever path you take it is a happy one for you both. Some of the worst lovers are now my best friends

Good luck to you.

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