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How can i help if he wont listen?
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How can i help if he wont listen? |
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lone_rider Junior Member
since 2004-01-20
Posts 19 |
This guy ive liked for a while now, He does drugs! When we first told me i wasso worried that one day im going to find him dead because of an overdose. After a few days i got use to the idea,Not that i liked it but i couldnt stop likeing him! My friends are always telling me that his going to get me into drugs and just by being with him that if i get caught ill be in trouble as well. Ive tried to be apart from him and not talk to him but its so hard because his helped me through so much!! How can you just forget about someone you love so much? He promises me that he will never get me into smoking or drugs he doesnt want me near them!! But how can i be sure i would trust him with my life! But the thing he doesnt understand is i trust HIM not the drugs that control him when his high. I dont know if i should love him or just back off and find some1 knew? |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
Wow, I think, that you should follow your heart with this one. If it were me... I wouldnt be able to let go. I would stick with him. Be his friend. I would try and get him out of drugs, and if i couldnt i would try and make sure he knows that i am there for him. What he needs right now is a friend. I know because i have been there. I have done some, well, stupid things, and my friend, that i have a crush on, darren, didnt like me doing that stuff, but he stayed my friend, and i eventually quit, because he refused to be around me when i was high, or even with people that had it, and i figured, he was more important to me, than weed or whatever the drug was or is. He didnt aboandon me, and that was the time that i needed him most. If i hadnt had him, i would probably getitng high with some of my friends right now!! Like i said, be there for him. make sure taht he knows that you are there for him. and let him know how you feel. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very sad. Well, this isn't my style to air my problems, but I think only a graphic example of what your future would probably hold for you with him is the only thing that may help you to make a wise decision. Having been married to a substance abuser for almost 15 years, I can tell you it's not necessarily contagious, but that doesn't mean that it couldn't be for some people. Regardless, my advice would be to run the other way, to spare yourself the inevitable pain and heartache of watching someone you love slowly destroy themself. I did leave once for about 8 months. I hoped it would wake him up, be his "bottom" so to speak, but he took a decided turn for the worse, and plunged us deeply into debt by losing his job and living off of a credit card, thereby forcing me to pay the mortgage (house is in my name) and for my apartment. He's been to rehabs, lived on the street and in cars, seen all his friends die, even spent the night in jail once and had to go to court for walking into the wrong house once when he was drunk. Hmmm....let's see, between bail, the lawyer and court costs, that set us back about $2400. I think sometimes only death is some people's "bottom". Not wonderful options, let me tell you...watch someone you love slowly die, or kick them out and hasten the process. And the kicker? He's the sweetest, kindest, most big-hearted person I've ever met (drunk, high or sober.) But he's a hopeless addict (aside from Divine intervention, for which I constantly pray), which is not conducive to a real relationship. Make a clean break now before your feelings deepen and his dependence on you increases and before you become financially entangled. Regret is a bitter pill. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Denise, you said it well...and I agree : only death is some people's "bottom". If you are young and have the chance to live a full life whether with another "love"or without, do it. Don't start out with someone who can't live without "crutches." Besides why do you have to look for another..let it happen when it does...and if you love him you will try to get him help and if he won't do that for you, then he doesn't love you enough or himself...and will only bring you heartache in more ways than one. Be a friend...but nothing more and you can always love and care about him but you can't change him unless he wants to change. |
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Michelle_loves_Mike
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189Pennsylvania |
This is a sticky wicket,,but, ultimatly,,you have to consider two things 1. It is YOUR choice to do drugs, or not 2. Does he love you enough to get away fromthe drugs? Michelle I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike |
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Opeth Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543The Ravines |
Which type of drugs does he use? If he is using needles and if you both are intimate ~ your own health is at a terrible risk. He needs money for his drugs, too, which means he needs as many money sources as he can get his hands on. I am sure he'll need money from you. My advice to you would be for you to dump him, and do it quickly, but I don't think that is what you want to hear. |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
This type of relationship can drain you of your spirit as well as your health. Believe me I know. You sound young. Don't waste another moment worrying about someone else when your own future is waiting in the wings. Wish him well and move on. Just my opinion. hugs, Chris |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Scary situation :-( Thanks for replying to my post, I appreciate your words. pigletdoglet@hotmail.com is my msn if you ever feel like talking about anything. Look for the answers deep in your heart, they are there. Only problem is if they aren't what you wanted them to be so you refuse to see them. Be open to your instincts. Take care, Liz xx |
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KristieSue
since 2003-01-31
Posts 1460PA, US |
been through it...and agree wholeheartedly with Denise. GET OUT OF THERE. Don't base your hopes on him loving you enough to quit. Drugs are an ADDICTION: being abnormally dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming . That controls the brain AND the body... It has nothing to do with his heart. |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
o.k. first of all it depends on what kind of drug it is, if it is just pot, thats not a big deal, in fact it is no deal at all. but if it is a harder drug, you don't want to come at him and in his face, he wont respond to that, you just have to bring it up slowly and don't harp on it, that will just make him mad. you just kind of have to feel it out and see how he will react to different approaches you try. some will work others will not. you just have to test the waters. "So what befalls the flawless? |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Pot is a bigger deal than you think...and someone with an addictive behavior needs and has to want help. By the way, it is a big enough deal to get you arrested... |
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KristieSue
since 2003-01-31
Posts 1460PA, US |
I didn't think pot was a big deal either. When my brother started using marijuana, it became an addictive behavior for him. Meanwhile, he has been kicked out of the Navy and nearly ruined his entire life. Not to mention all the other drugs he has gotten himself involved in. Pot wasn't a big deal for me. But, it's NOT that way for everyone, and I don't recommending anyone trying to see if they are "strong enough".... |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
a lot of things are a big deal enough to get you arrested, it dosent mean the govt. is right by that, i mena i could sit here and write pages upon pages about the subject but propaganda in the u.s. has a lot of people anti marijuana...i fully stand by the fact marijuana is not a big deal...and as far as those people whom have addictive personalties, they know themselves, they take the first step, and as far as marijuana ruining peoples lives it is few and far between, there are millions of funtioning citizen in this country and others, and in countries that it is legal or accepcted it is not even tlaked about as a prolbem, becuase it is not...marijuana is not a big deal, i refuse to believe that that is the sole reason for the downfall of anyones life, most lives are headed that way but in the down fall some people turn to drugs and usually harder ones, but marijuana always takes the balme...dont balme the substance, balme the indiviual... |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
Breaking the law is a big deal, eor. You want others to feel free to commit murder because they, like you, are convinced some laws need not be followed? If you want to live in society, you either follow the rules of the society or you work hard to get those rules changed. You don't get to decide which laws to obey and which to break, because when everyone does that -- there IS no law. |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
i did not say anything about taking someones life. are you even comparing the two? smoking pot and taking a life. if you are you are seriously mistaken...just because laws are in place dosent mean by any means they are fair or right...if marijuana os so bad why do so many other coutries have it a legal drug, not only for smoking but for medical, industrail and thousands of other uses...so please think for just a second before you compare marijuana to murder...it like comparing jaywalking to grand theft... "So what befalls the flawless? |
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colbalt Junior Member
since 2004-02-03
Posts 20 |
Wow...all this change of opinion is going to confuse Lone Rider even more. Before any opinion is given Lone Rider needs to say which drug it is- if they want too. Then how often the person takes it. Whether it's once a day, once a week, once a month or every few months. I have worked in this environment and one of the sayings is 'Never be scared of the word "Drugs", but be wise to them' It's all about understanding what effects different drugs give and what damage they can cause. Hash, weed, grass, is on the same par as alcohol though alcohol is more of a depressive therefore can cause more aggressive behaviour, but these drugs dont compare to what they can lead on to. Such as the harder drugs. So Lone Rider, if you want to say which drug/s you are talking about and how often they are being taken then you are sure to find some good advice. regards colbalt |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
i agree... |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
quote: I think these two things must be separated out. You Don't forget about people you love, but for your own mental/physical growth health, I really would like to see you step away from this relationship, as it is NOT healthy. In the long run, it doesn't even matter which drug we are talking about here, but rather the endless cycle of addiction and dependencey that is the issue. An addiction to prescription drugs is just as harmful. He has to decide his own course of action and pay the consequences. You cannot and should not do that for him, as it only deepens a codependency. Plus you COULD find yourself in trouble legally. Just take two or three steps back, and look at the issue I read here that you somehow owe him for what he did FOR you. That is not love. Take care, I wish you strength and luck.  |
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colbalt Junior Member
since 2004-02-03
Posts 20 |
I agree with you Midnitesun- a person can be addicted to anything, chocolate, coffee, headache tablets. Anything at all. The question I'm asking is- 'Are these hard drugs that Lone Rider is suggesting?' Lone Rider said that she was affraid that he may overdose which suggests that they are. What age is he? How long has he been using them? Is he showing signs of aggression, depression, confusion when he's not taking them? If this is experimentation and not an addiction yet, then Lone Rider can find out info' on the drug in question and be wise to it. Then she can decide to give him some space while he sorts himself out, if she chooses to. There are many reasons why people take drugs. I have found that addictions mainly happen because the person wants to escape from something. If it's addiction then there are ways of letting him know that there is help out there for him. But if you are frightened by him and his behaviour when you are with him, Lone Rider, then backing off is always the answer. If you want strong facts and advice, you will need to give me more information. You're always welcome to email me. regards colbalt |
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lone_rider Junior Member
since 2004-01-20
Posts 19 |
The drugs he is taken are weed,speed and ecstacy..Thank u all for your coments and opinons, Its help me alot. |
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bslicker
since 2000-12-04
Posts 2321state of mind |
ok my opinion, since i have been on both sides of addiction at one time or the other. But thank goodness, it's in my past now. But it has lost me jobs, lost me my wife, and one of them was legal..(booze)!! Now eor... pot is still a big deal cause unlike cigarettes and booze (which is legalized) pot isn't, so it is still a big deal if you get stopped or have it in your blood system when going for a job, your loss. It's hard to tell you what to do Lone_rider, but one thing i know is while he is high on whatever, stay away,,, he can not help you or even give truthful advice to you. And when he is not on something, then is when I would bring this up with him. This subject if you should leave him, stay with him, love him or not is a very hard decision that only you can make for yourself. One would only ask for you to be careful in what you decide, and if you need help,, GO GET IT...... there is help for both the user's and the one's that love the user... bernie send me a email if you like....  A smile a day keeps the world in smile's. |
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