Self-Loathing, a rant of sorts.. if you will...

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Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

0 posted 2003-10-02 04:10 PM

"I hate myself. I hate my sub-genre of emotions, I pity myself. Pity; the most insulting of all things. But I also hate. I hate and pity myself."

This, is my mind's choice of retreat.
This, is how I repay myself for solitude in the night. What am I becoming? Am I de-evolving somehow?

Yes, I do hate myself, and that is my one true weakness. My self-loathing, my self pity. I hate my emotional turmoil, at times, wishing I felt nothing at all but hate and love. The two most logically basic of emotions.

Somewhere along my way, I reached a point of awareness, I've gained wisdom. The problem with getting toward the peak of my journey, is that I can't even partially overcome my self-loathing. It isn't a matter of being fully rid of it, I must have it in order to be equal. But I also must lose, and control some of it. Make it a slave to me, and not the other way around.

My biggest flaw, is being human. I too, can be ignorant and arrogant..even closed minded. But this, I have and am able to accept and lessen.

I am aware,
I am fully aware.

This is why I struggle with my emotions, I should merely be. It should not be as extreme as it is, my self-loathing. It should just...be.

But I know this flaw, again, I am aware. I know it must be fixed, I need to attain control. Because, I will not cross any bridges if I remain in my self's pity..and under it's control.

I must fight it, or perish under the same circumstance as the rest of the world.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

1 posted 2003-10-02 04:43 PM

E-mail me?

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

2 posted 2003-10-02 04:47 PM

(chuckling) if talking to Mikey doesn't help...e-mail me... he has my address

( another example of me being a cheeky sod as Gemma puts it)

I doubt I could say anything he won't, but there is some insight into the awareness and to the spiritual side of reconciling the conflict that I might have he doesn't...

gemjop
Member Elite

since 2002-11-18

Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

3 posted 2003-10-02 04:54 PM

You're a lovely cheeky sod.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

4 posted 2003-10-02 05:02 PM

ah yes...now you talk nice to me...lol...

nice of you to say gemma...

Miah
Senior Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 1062
Pennsylvania

5 posted 2003-10-02 06:04 PM

We all hate ourselves once in awhile. I think its because we have too much time on our hands, too much information, to much knowledge. If you hate yourself, be me, it will make you feel better about yourself. lol Then you will realize that your much happier, and not me. hahahah

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

6 posted 2003-10-03 04:08 AM

Life is happy when I'm in love..but
not with myself..

Craw
Member

since 2003-09-11

Posts 73
Scotland

7 posted 2003-10-03 07:05 AM

Self-indulgence is a poor hobby.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

8 posted 2003-10-03 04:37 PM

The response to this thread should show you two things, Meg.

1) Everybody has their 2 cents.

2) Some of it should be kicked into the gutter.

Now if THAT doesn't make you smile ...

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