Hard to be sad when nobody knows..

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LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

0 posted 2003-07-08 11:50 AM

I'm coming to you all with this, because you'll understand more than anyone else can. For almost two years, I've had a sort of relationship with a man online. We've grown very close, but one difference we had was taking it to the next level. We had been talking about meeting and trying it out 'in real life'.. but he decided that he doesn't think that we should risk losing our friendship over it. I'm really upset over this.. I feel like total crap because he doesn't want to risk anything to make the relationship move on. So it's always just gonna be 'online buddy' instead of 'boyfriend'. I'm acting like it's ok towards him... and honestly I'm glad that we're still gonna be friends, instead of just never talking to him again. But it's so hard.. I want to scream and cry and just go crazy but I can't.. when I broke up with my IRL boyfriend, it was like I was entitled to that.. but here, IRL, nobody knows about him, and they'd think I was crazy for being sad over someone online.. so I came here. You all understand that it's like to have close net relationships, and some of you know how it hurts when they turn out to be less than what you want. I know that this is my fault. I shouldn't have placed so much merit on what this could have become. I should have known that it wouldn't happen...

So I just had to tell you all... I knew you would understand. Thank you.

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

skyshine

Member Elite

since 2002-02-07

Posts 3058
Beneath the northern stars

1 posted 2003-07-08 01:15 PM

awww you're right we do understand what it's like! Don't blame yourself because everyone does goes through this at one time or another. What you're feeling is comepletely understandable! Just let yourself be sad for a while and you'll feel more like yourself when it's all done with.

~Elizabeth

Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone...
~Jewel

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

2 posted 2003-07-08 01:17 PM

Dont be so hard on yourself sweetie...Im sorry your going thru this..and that you dont have anyone there that will understand.
"on line and "in real life" have become a fine line for many...and all to often the distance alone makes things difficult.
And there are a lot of people who arent looking for anymore than online...for whatever their reason, but often they arent honest about that. All we can do is learn from the experience and use the lesson the next time a similar situation comes up.
If its any consolation...youre in good company, a whole lot of us have been here.
Dont settle for anything less than what is going to fullfill you and make you happy.
When ever possible..opt for "real life" ...
in the end..thats whats going to be what will give us the greater personal contentment and reward. Nothing typed or said on a phone can ever replace real touch and spending time together.
heart hugs of understanding coming your way.

Jamie
Member Elite

since 2000-06-26

Posts 3168
Blue Heaven

3 posted 2003-07-08 06:48 PM

quote:
When ever possible..opt for "real life" ...
in the end..thats whats going to be what will give us the greater personal contentment and reward. Nothing typed or said on a phone can ever replace real touch and spending time together.

'zactly

listen to the wise moth

J

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

4 posted 2003-07-08 07:21 PM

It's hard. I know the feeling. A lot of times, people don't realize that behind that IM and behind those typed out words (typos and all) and behind that computer monitor is a real person. Often, friends online are associated as "child predators" and "60 year old men who pose as 13 year olds", so that stereotype usually scares a lot of parents and creates a barrier between real life and virtual life. That's my problem. But enough about what's happening here.

Online relationships are extremely difficult, moreso than long distance relationships. Online, it's hard to see the person's face, or hear their voice (unless you have the technology to do so). Not only are you separated by a computer and distance, but also your reputation.

I can see why your friend does not want to take the next step. He's afraid of being disappointed (which is silly because you are such a wonderful person with a beautiful personality) or you being disappointed and as a result, he's disappointed you. A very common problem in real life, so how should you treat this? Exactly how you would treat it in real life. Let it go. Don't push it, though it is an extreme disappointment. He knows what a great friend you are, simply in the way he is afraid to face the fact of going in a new direction. All you can do right now is be that friend. At the same time, move on with your life. I'm not saying forget about him, but realize that life is still offering you opportunities, online and offline. It will keep you from thinking about him 24/7, and once you continue on with life, perhaps he will see what a fulfilling life you have and thus want to be a part of it.

Hope you'll feel better soon.

Take care!

-Leah

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

5 posted 2003-07-08 07:34 PM

I find myself in agreance with the Mothy one too.

Maree.

fate is not just
whose cooking smells good
but which way the wind blows

(Ani DiFranco)

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

6 posted 2003-07-08 09:45 PM

I'm gonna email you about this one later tonight

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

7 posted 2003-07-08 09:45 PM

I hope you're doing allright. Most people who aren't regularly online can't grasp the emotions and feelings that can be shared through the internet, and don't understand what you're feeling. Trust the fact that you're feeling hurt, and allow yourself time to heel. Once again, I hope you're doing allright. It's hard to be hurt.

~Titus

"I want you to hit me as hard as you can." No, really, I do.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

8 posted 2003-07-08 11:34 PM

You know I was in your shoes too once, and all the advise and hugs don't make too much difference right away do they? I hate to tell you that JM is right - there is such an illusion of fantasy over the net, and let's face it any fantasy can come true, so be careful what you wish for.

After being stung - I tend to look for connections with people in the places I like to do things, or hobbies I have, etc. and even if no one is there that interests me I don't say no to invitations to events, as "Mr. Right" may just walk in. Unfortunately, the net is not like the movie, "You've Got Mail", or at least not often.

I really and truly feel for the pain you are in, but don't disregard him as a friend, as sometimes friends make the best lovers, and eventually, maybe that is all you both need - time.

Darkskyzgreydyz
New Member

since 2003-07-09

Posts 2
Ca, USA

9 posted 2003-07-09 11:27 PM

I think im going through what you are going through as we speek. Ive been with a girl online for the past two years. We grew to love eachother very much, and we even talked about getting married. But now she wants to just be friends and I am still in love with her. We also have never met. We've tried but something always comes up whenever its time for us to meet. Im trying to deal with the fact that she wants to only be friends but its hard knowing I still love her the way I do. Some advice I can give you, if its in your heart to continue talking to him, dont let him go not even as a friend. Me and her are still cool, and though i still have strong feelings for her, im not gonna lose her as a friend.

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