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it's so easy to pretend I'm not lonely
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it's so easy to pretend I'm not lonely |
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Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding 
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Well here I am again, this seems to be one of my favourite places to be lately... *sigh* I had a dream about Will last night, and i haven't been able to get him off of my mind all day. I wish that I could go back to feeling nothing and caring about nothing, it was so much easier then... I don't even know why I'm so upset about this now. I didn't cry about his death for a week, then I cried, and then I felt like I was fine. Then I had that stupid dream, and it brought back all the memories of how much I care(d) about him, and I just wish I could indulge in my favourite pasttime, but I currently don't have access to anything to help me out... be that a good thing or a bad, I dont' know. All I know is that I don't want to feel anything, and it's sooo easy sometimes to pretend that I'm not missing anyone, and that I'm ok with not having someone to curl up with when i'm feeling like this. Granted I have my cats, but they drool on me, so I'm not too keen on cuddling with them... and there I go with inserting the humor again, to cover up what I'm really feeling. It's times like this when I really truely don't like myself at all or see the point in anything, but I keep trudging on, hoping that it'll get better soon. It's just one of those things I guess... either I'm too stubborn to give up or I'm a sucker for punishment. I just want to be a normally functioning member of society. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Rhonda Adolph - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Rhonda, Well I for one feel it's good you don't have access to your favorite past time. I know that these are difficult times. Nobody can tell you how to feel. But I know you read a piece I wrote a while back that partly addresses this issue The Advantage of a Broken Heart. Like everything in life what you gain from your experience is completely up to you. This can make you bitter or better. I truly feel horrible for the loss that you are struggling to understand. But it is good that you are willing to come in here and talk about it. I know that writing about my thoughts and feelings was extremely important to me. Peace, hope and courage to you. I care... If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Yeah, that last line... I think I know what you're saying with that one. There's loneliness, there's fear of not mattering to anyone, of being meaningless. Now might be a good time to phone up some of your friends that you haven't talked to in a long time, and spend some time with them, maybe. Just a suggestion, but one that's helped me cope with loss before. I hope things look up for you, sweetheart...   Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world. |
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skyshine
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
There are going to be days like that once in a while, and although I don't know what you're going through, I know it's not easy. It's ok to feel sad once in a while, Rhonda. Big *hugs*   ~ElizabethDreams last for so long, even after you're gone... |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I can only tell you it takes as long as it takes to go through grieving. I still have ups and downs about a friend that died and they won't go away, and I suppose in a way they are not supposed to, otherwise we would forget the good times and memories. It's funny but when you are sad, you always feel more alone, but we want to be alone when we are unhappy. We cause our own unhappiness in a way don't we? Brian is so right, the best thing to do in this type of "space" is to surround yourself with things to do, people, or simply just go out and people watch. The pain returns but each time you get better at finding a place for it, that is comfortable for you. I think it is great you come in here and get it out rather than keep the feelings bottled up inside. I think you can rely on the friends you have in here to understand and try as best they can to see you through this. So girl here is another big hug this time from Burrard Inlet  [This message has been edited by Mysteria (06-07-2003 01:50 AM).] |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
I just want to be a normally functioning member of society. ***************************************** I'd give anything to know what that is. Seriously though, grieving takes time, and only you can know how much of that it will take. Take YOUR time, and do not feel pressed to act a certain way for anyone else. It's your song, your story, your time. heart hugs to you dear friend  |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
To all of you: a huge thank you  I'm very thankful that I have a place to come to and get support like this when I most need it. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that I'll be able to get through it Thank you again, and hugs to all |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
It's so easy to smile nod my head and act. No one need know I still miss you so but it is indeed a fact I'm a bit lost without you. No they don't see the tears lying just beneath the breath of flush that you gave my cheeks It's so easy to pretend |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
wish I could tell you it'll go away... But I still get the ups and downs and twists and turns and tears and loenliness, and anger, and fear, and abandonment, and heartache and all those otehr inexplainable feelings... that come with the people that you love so much, dying. I can tell you though, that its worth it to stick it through, and to accept the help that you are offered.. even to ask for help, to call a friend... to say that you need someone today to talk with, walk with, someone to make you smile.. yea smiling, it'll come again, I promise. Prayers for you... and hugs. Always, Alyssa - And so it was that time stood still - |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
*BUGS* You're exactly like me. I love you hun. *smooches* Kielo |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
hell, what's 'normal' anyhow? just be who you are |
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