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Holding Back Tears
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Holding Back Tears |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden 
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If one were to watch me closely, they would notice how many times I look up and blink like mad. I hold back the tears every single day. Hey, big girls don't cry, right? I mean, I wish I had a shoulder to cry on, but the one I want is never around when I'm crying, so it's pretty much impossible. I think I'm bizarre because of the way I feel about him after all that's happened. Do you all ever hold back the tears because you don't want someone to see you cry? He hates it when I cry. He tells me not to cry and I always end up doing so. I don't want to cry because I want to be happy and I like to be happy, it's just every time I am truly happy, something bad happens and takes that all away. I hate it. I have never ever bitten my fingernails before in my life. He made me mad and now all I have are little stubby fingernails. People say it's a nervous habbit when you bite your nails, but it's an angry habbit for me. All of my nails were so long, and I just plum bit them clean off. He makes me so mad sometimes though. I love him and he doesn't seem to see this and it makes me want to cry, but yet I hold back tears because he doesn't want me to cry. He'll just say I'm a baby, and try to cheer me up, but sometimes when I tell him why I'm crying, he can't think of anything to say. That's not like him because he always has some remark to make, some joke to tell. But he couldn't say anything. I just keep holding back tears.  Someone once taught me that it doesn't matter what other people think of you as long as you like yourself. That's what I live by. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
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White Wolf Member
since 1999-09-18
Posts 371Somewhere in the vast wasteland |
I know exactly what you are talking about only my reasons were a bit different. I had a theory that if no one knew that I was hurting then they couldn't hurt me any further. The only flaw with this is that no one could help or comfort me either. Plus being a man and the pressure of at least appearing strong was another factor. There finally came a day when I threw up my hands in defeat and just cried. Now I cry whenever I feel like it. Crying has a healing property to it. I always feel better after a good cry. You have already stated that we have been or are going through the same or closely related situations. I am here if you have need. If you need to cry, write someone or just to vent feel free to email me. I am here for you, as a friend. The White Wolf If life is just a game, when does it end cause I want to get to what is real. |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
You know, if you need to cry, I say you should feel free to do so. If the instigator of the tears doesn't like it or understand, then of course he is not worthy. But that doesn't make it any easier. Believe me I know. Take care. And if you want a shoulder to cry on, feel free to email me. Sandra |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I understand what you're saying. I went through something very similar not too long ago. I had to learn that it's okay to cry... in fact, crying shows strength, believe it or not. And it makes you stronger, not to mention it makes you feel TONS better. Sometimes.. there's nothing else you can do but cry. Let it all out.. it'll help, I promise. Take care.. and Good luck. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
if someone truly cares about you they will give you that shoulder to cry on. No one should stifle your tears, no one. Go on and find someone who truly cares, this person is only thinking of himself. " I walked beside the evening sea And dreamed a dream that could not be" George William Curtis" |
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