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I need to let it all out...
| Feelings |
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I need to let it all out... |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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I think this might well be my first starting topic here (in a long while at least)...I don't have too much too say really... Cept I want to alternately SCREAM AND CRY. For a few reasons. Now, before I commence - I am WELL aware that there are bright, positive, lala happy things on the other side of the misery-fence...but right now I just want to COMPLAIN. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!    I'm sitting exams right now. (Finals) I hate it. They make me SO worn out, so stressed, so miserable...I over-study, yet never ever feel like I've learned enough. Then I get annoyed that I didn't put everything I did learn in - and worry that what I don't put in, I should've. Mainly...I'm worn out. My memory goes nuts. Forget things...forget everything. I have a medical condition that gets worse with stress - and I'm worrying about it...I feel sick at the thought that tomorrow I have to get up and spend yet more hours at the library... A person I care about is distancing themselves from me...and nothing I can do can change it. Nothing. I have to stand back and watch it happen. It's awful. I watch her grow closer to others...and shut me out. It's devasting, because I love her like a sister. My father and I don't get on. This is an absolute understatement...I haven't spoken to him since October last year...and I'm SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE TELLING ME TO FORGET HIM AND HOW THAT JUST BECAUSE I AM AN ADULT I DON'T NEED HIM. WHO are they to say that? I never had him in the first place really, so I guess I want him more. I don't know. Lately - he's been on my mind. Sigh..I could write an award winning essay on this topic, but I won't. I'm away from the man I love. I have all these memories of him driving me nuts. It will be forever (I tell you six months at the earliest certainly feels like forever! It's already been over three) till I see him again. It's MADDENING. INFURIATING. Oh yes, distance makes the heart grow fonder for sure, it's also just..just...ARRRRRGGGGGGGH!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! I'm so FRUSTRATED BY EVERYTHING!!!!! ~stamp stamp stamp!!!~ Ok...I'm done. Thanks for listening. K [This message has been edited by Severn (edited 06-14-2001).] |
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Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
And I heard you all the way over here. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) as all I can send are my thoughts... and thank yous for being such a wonderful poet.... doesn't do a thing to stem the tide of emotions, does it? but I understand... that doesn't quite do it either.... should I go find him, wrap him up and send him to you? Would that help? well duh, of course it would! are you smiling yet? NO? Hummm.... well let me go see what I can find, just to give you a giggle. I'll be back... |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Hm, well I wish I could find something wonderful and happy to offer, but alas, there is nothing of the kind in my head. Sending HUGS anyway.. Sandra |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I understand...but!!! You are a smart lady. You'll do fine on your tests. You are a strong woman - the stress that affects your health can be controlled...just will it not to! You are loved - and really that's the most important part here. Even though you are not together now, you will be! And how many lonely people out there can say that? Remember when YOU were lonely? Remember when you would have given anything just to BE in love? Well now you are...and time (I know 6 months!) does pass quickly!!! Now, smile! |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Hugs for my big New Zealand Sis..... I'm here if you want to talk to a little Puerto Rican brother  |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Yes, I read this with such care knowing your feelings are out there for the whole world to see. I want to tell you something encouraging if I may, the man you love is away from you in distance? At least HE isn't away in your heart, as your friend is and I'm so sorry about that, I know how it feels. You are smart, beautiful and sensitive and yes, it's good to vent. God bless. "This rose has seen red, I have been blue |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
*hugs*!!! I'm sure everything will work out for you. In the meantime, it's time for me to listen to you vent for a change! Get me on ICQ if you need me!  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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White Wolf Member
since 1999-09-18
Posts 371Somewhere in the vast wasteland |
I am going to add my few cents worth on a couple of things. First is about the comment about your father. All through growing my father and I were never close and he had very little time for his children. I am the eldest and basic grew up alone. I had no one to look up to for an example unless I wanted my children to feel the way I did and I don't. No one should have to go through what I went through. Anyway it wasn't until a year ago that I made many realizations about my relationship with my father. One of those was that at the current time I was the one hindering my relationship. I am not saying that it is the same with you. I only tell you this because there is hope and by the way, how do you forget your father? I just has the best father's day with my father of my life. I am glad I didn't give up on and forget about him. There is a lot of joy to be had. The next and last thing I would comment on is the situation with you and the man you love. Try being in love with your best friend for ten years and never telling that friend the truth about how you feel about them. Well that is me as you may know. It is not fun and is full of pain and regrets but all is not lost yet. With in a week or two she will know how I feel and have always felt. I wish you the best in your waiting and the best things in life are worth the wait. The White Wolf If life is just a game, when does it end cause I want to get to what is real. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Thank you all for your kind, loving words and introspections...and encouragement... Sharon - I have one thing to say: Yes Mum! heh.. My exams are OVER and I am glad to say I survived...lol...things are a bit better now... Smiling  K |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Feel better now DEAR?..Whew... we are all glad those nasty exams are over... for you of course.....heh HK>LK There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
First of all, oh you poor thing. Life can suck some times, ain't easy when studies and personal stuff clash. All I can suggest is when these exams are over is to get away. Leave travel, go to your favourite place, take a week a few days at least to chill mellow and be with you. Quality time, be good to yourself. Hoping that all that LA LA stuff comes your way soon. Big Hug and take care my grammarically correct friend.  |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Hi. *And I'm glad that you did. Sometimes,...it's so necessary to do, even to the point where you have that chasing, tagging, running from behind breath that slips somehow in-between heart beats and causes the body to jolt, accompanied by slight pins and needles in your face? You know,...a good, hard scream and cry. Oh golly, I don't know what I am saying, I'm just glad that you did share, and survive your exams, AND are now smiling? I planned on popping in and leaving a sheepish little 'HI, I was here and you were heard and I hope that you can breathe and smile and I just know that you will make it through etc', but here I went on with the breathing? What the heck is up with my need this evening to talk about breathing? Who knows. Please take care of yourself Kamla and know that I've needed to do what you have done here, and have. I'm glad that you did. *Peace poet. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Jamie - you ain't going to let me forget that are you? DEAR. Man...you could be nice to me!!!! Look - I just whinged! But nooooooooooooo..someone has to be mean heh...kiss Brian and Spitfire...you're both utterly wonderful...smiling at the grammatically correct and blurb on breathing.. K |
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Justbleu Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329Oregon, Originally From Alaska :) |
Hey there Girl....I just saw this and some time has passed by. I hope you made it through all of that ok I hope all is great now and you are breathing well and feeling like you aren't going crazy anymore. Stress sucks!!!!! Hugs Bridgette Creation of woman from the rib of Man: She was not made from his head to top him; nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him; but out of his side |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey Bridgette you sweetie...I'm fine now thankye... HUGS to you... K |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
*hugs* Lots of them... I hope you feel better, sweetie. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning... |
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