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A Question of Betrayal
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A Question of Betrayal |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone 
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I have no idea if this appropriate to post here, but I'm sure someone will let me know..LOL Betrayal, a feeling of such intense shock and pain. The realization that someone so valued, so loved, could easily turn his back. Go from open arms to a slammed door in the split second of happiness I was holding close. Why does betrayal still shock after 30 years of heartache? Shouldn't I be used to it somehow? Apparently I am not yet immune. I would never strive to be immune to love, but this pain I would gladly release. Is the answer to always love with the foreknowledge that forever will not happen, that the promises will not last? If that is faced ahead of time, will it dull the pain when it comes? I want to know how someone who is given nothing but love can stop loving. It's illogical. And the biggest quesstion..Why do I still love him, if he could do this to me? Why is love so hard to give up, even when for all purposes, there is nothing left to love? The heart has no boundaries of good sense, apparently. How do I fill my empty soul without love? I know all the theories, I know I have to find my own fulfillment, my own peace. Knowing it does not make it so. I fill myself with words, poems, letters. It helps. It's not enough. How does someone destined to be a lover, with every fiber of her being, learn to be ok without love? Any answers, anyone? |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Hi catalina - If you'd like, this might be more appropriate and recieve more attention in the feelings forum - let me know and I'll move it if you'd like. Chris |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
I can feel your pain Sandra, you expressed it well, and I know where you are coming from..your turn for true love will come..be patient..you have alot to offer..i can tell..  ~Victoria~ A poem is never finished, only abandoned. - Paul Valery (1871-1945) |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Don't do it Sandra! Don't lock yourself away from the feelings. Believe me, it's a cold place here in 'nowhere'..... |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
I know it is so cliche Sandra ... but it is so true, that you need time to heal. You "are" doing all the right things ... talking, writing, asking questions, analyzing the "why's". It's these difficult challenges in life that we'll ponder years down the road, and realize that we are now stronger for having waged "this battle" and won. Please take care. Best wishes and hugs to you, /Kit |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Emotion - especially love knows no logic. We're all susceptible to the pain of lost love - at any age, and with any amount of experience. We never seem to outgrow that one... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Betrayal is always as much of a shock to the extent that initial love comes as a surprise...And a better question is why would you want to do without love? Not loving, closing yourself off from the possiblity of being loved, is a slow death of the soul. An infant, if well fed, and all physical needs met, except for that of human touch and comfort and love, will suffer a syndrome known as "failure to thrive"...I think of it as "baby depression", and if you think about it, adults will do the same. We need the love and comfort of human presence. Which is why, with as much joy as I have found in this little box, even though filled with wonderful people, with comforting words, full of caring--not once as it ever held me--my only complaint, I think. And as to how to learn to do without it...smile...seems to me, that the minute you think you can do without love, it comes along...but keep in mind that people grow, they change, and not always at the same pace. So embrace love while she's there, like the surprise of an orchid in bloom in your garden. And throughout the cycles of seasons, tend to the garden. And yes, sometimes you may have to mulch over for a hard winter...but keep doing the things that enrich the 'soil' of your spirit. Come spring...turn it all over and start again. And that old love? Turn that over too. I like to think of it as really good fertilizer...grin. |
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Rex Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 482Houston, Texas |
Strange How strange... The forces with which we stand imbued. These urges we know not of, Nor whence they come, nor why... And yet obey. Sandra...Having been where you are today, I wish I had brilliant answer to your perplexing question. However, life being what it is, I don't think there is a single answer to solve this quandry. All we can do in life is forge ahead through the mysteries that lie before us and pray that God watches over us in our travails. My best to you always.....Rex |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
You know what? Sometimes it's just the people we're attracted too. Seems like we're a magnet to jerks. They come in, get our attention, and then break our heart. We need to try and change that. What we're attracted too, on the other hand, what we're not attracted too, would probably suit us much better. The pain eventually subsides, but the hurt that we've trusted in someone, and that trust is broken, that will always hurt. No matter how many times we go through it. That lets us know we are human, we have feelings, and damn it, we're just plain caring people. HUGS to ya! |
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