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Here I go again... sheesh!
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Here I go again... sheesh! |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA 
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*sigh* What to say, what to say? You have something building inside, whatever it may be; hurt, anger, frustration, anxiety, irritability... and you try to express it - something you're not used to doing, and cannot think of a way to get it out. In the good ol' days I would just pop the top off the beer bottle or pour a good measure of bourbon and sip those feelings to oblivion, but not anymore. Now I sit here, looking at my screen and trying to figure out who is to blame... we all know who, but we still want to point the finger at someone else don't we? So I engage in what I feel would be good therapy, and when I do not get what I want, I start adding to that anxiety and frustration, making myself feel all the worse. Now I am to the point where I feel like I am about to explode. What I want to do is quit, blame Passions, think up some conspiracy theory to justify my angry feelings. What the hell is he babbling about? yeah, I know, I'm bouncing around.... I've written many pieces lately, in hopes that a few pats on the back, a few strokes would ease the tension I feel building, then, when those peices recieved little or no attention, I personalized it, and added to my ire. I want to believe that there is an organized coalition out there in the Passions aether which has banned responses to my work. Petty? Yeah, I know it is. Places on this site where I have usually been well recieved have tendered little acknowledgement. I have had interesting discussions in these 'lower' forums (as PdV called them), but little or none in the actual poetry forums. One kind soul here took the time to email me and explain that maybe I should do a little more commenting on other's work if I expected comments on my own. I suppose that is a valid point. I could comment more, and have been trying to. But that idea in itself added to my frustration. I thought to myself - I don't limit my comments to only those who comment on my work, that in itself is a bit petty isn't it? and then I realized that I am just trying to point fingers again.... So here I am, frustrated, angry, hurt, anxious, feeling down, feeling ignored, and feeling like I want to have a drink... The drink won't happen... the others will fade eventually... but right now, I am just using this therapist's couch called "FEELINGS". Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so. B. Russell |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
JP, I know the feeling. Hmm..I also know you kinda hate it when someone empathizes like that...*shrug* No worries, though. There are many poets here who receive little or no response to their poetry or prose, and by the same token, many who garner scads of replies. Can't say it's all down to favoritism, or the author's name, for some of our older members have been feeling this as well, self included. We work and slave over a piece to have it quickly be archived in the back pages. Personally, I'm always very impressed with your work, for each poem is layered with meaning and allusion, as I read, peeling back each successive layer to get to the kernal of your message. And it's well worth the extra effort.  Hope your rant was beneficially cathartic. P'raps it's good fuel for angst poetry.... Alicat, the Persnikitty |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Thanks Alicat, just the fact that you read and remembered my whining about empathy means the world to me... that went a long way in making me feel better... Angst poetry? Hmmm, I should try that sometime  < !signature-->Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so. B. Russell [This message has been edited by JP (edited 09-25-2000).] |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
JP - You can whine at me any time - and I think I'm one of those derelicts who hasn't STOPped to comment on your last poem... I'd best get over there and do it...  |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Hi,...just hi and thinking about you and hoping you know that I am hearing all you are saying and feeling things because of it. Yeah,...angst poetry works for me sometimes  . Let's have one. *Peace JP. Always.[This message has been edited by SpitFire (edited 09-25-2000).] |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Sounds like you need a ((HUG)). I read more often than I write these days, so my poetry sometimes gets buried more quickly than I like. I've just decided not to let it worry me so much. Even if I need that pat on the back, I have a whole slew of Passionate ICQers, and other wonderful writing friends from other forums who will tell me if my work sucks, or gush all over it if its good.I also realize you said you don't use ICQ anymore, so really can't see where my babbling about this is going to help you. Of course..I believe you are more or less ranting for a listen rather than an empathetic response that you so despise. I've made a few comments to your work, but I'll admit, not within the past few days at least. I'd continue to bump the posts that I've read up, but you'd get annoyed with me and think it were charity more than anything. Of course it wouldn't be on my end, but how could I know you really weren't thinking that. I have the same feeling on other posts I comment on that don't get enough attention. Soooo....What would you like to see more? Can I do anything to help, or is this just a "rant and get it on the table" comment here? My name isn't Baby, and I don't want to cyber. |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Geez, the memories and struggles you bring back for me. It takes a while but it does get better! I too have posted and had them fall real quick unnoticed. So a while ago, I just quit frequenting the Open forum for a long time. I am just now getting back into it. I don't really know what to say, except that I've felt that frustration. But I didn't have this forum back then either. I'm glad you let it out here! If I give another HUG would that help? Hang in there!! |
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Rosebud1229 Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813North Carolina |
JP sometimes I think it's the time of day that we post, but in any event, I know I myself just love writing poetry, I know I'm not professional but I'm just letting myself write and sometimes I don't get alot of responses but you know what, that's what make us want to put more time into our work, but you know what there are more and more people coming into passions everyday, and sometimes it's hard to read what about 10,000 poems, but I have to say I to have read your work and enjoy your poems don't give up, there's always a silver lining at least that's what i've heard if not how about a gold one that's even better. I have to admit I'm the poet that writes it as I post it, but I know also there are some poets that really study to make it just right. That of course would just stress me out! As you can see I've already babbled enough. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I read you when I can because I admire your work and your spirit - always have. There are some here who use the 'tit for tat' method of reading poetry. If you don't reply to theirs, they won't reply to yours. Sad... I challenge everyone to read a poem by someone you've never read before! Read a new member's first post and reply! Step outside the box - read in some forum other than Open! Experience the thrill of finding a gem in the throng of poems.....you'll be glad you did. JP, don't give up. If one poem reaches one person, it was worth it. As your poem 'Saturday Morning' reached me. I thank you for your wisdom, insight and talent. Don't stop writing! |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Thanks y'all. Your thoughts and comments do mean a lot to me. As Temptress alluded to, this was a lot about just laying it on the table. Exorcizing those demons of self pity and self importance. Since I no longer disinfect them with large doses of alcohol, I just air out thier musty stench here in the forums... Once in a while a guy just needs to feel wanted I guess. Y'all have done that for me. I soooo wish I could still be on ICQ, I miss everyone I've spent time with online, but that pesky little addiction thing just keeps rearing its putrid little head. Nan - thanks for the comment on STOP, I always value your opinions greatly... I may not be around for a day or two, hopefully I can get access in the evenings, I have to take a few days in the hospital to get rid of this pneumonia (I thought it was just a cold), but doc says a few IV antibiotics and I should be home in a day or two (I should be able to work on my article PdV!)... If I don't get access at the hospital, keep a light in the window for me, I'll be back in a wink. Love y'all < !signature-->Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so. B. Russell [This message has been edited by JP (edited 09-26-2000).] |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
JP: Glad to know you got to vent. Be well, Sweets, and we'll be praying for you. ((HUGS)) My name isn't Baby, and I don't want to cyber. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
JP---I've probably read everything you've posted...I don't reply that much, because your work hits very close to home, and also because I am afraid of you. a little bit. But I think I know from your work, and from your various postings "in the lower forums" that we share many of the same trials, and it hits me very personally...so if it's too little, too late, I apologize, but truly, I never knew what to say...I know you hate when somebody says, they know exactly what you mean...so I just never said it....I hope you get a smile from this anyway...and HUGS? |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Afraid of me Serentity? No need for that. I'm a warm, fluffy, loveable soul... Opinionated, brash, stern, stubborn, and onery... but loveable all the same  I'm glad I checked in here before I took off today, this gave me the smiles I needed... Thanks Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so. B. Russell |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
JP, my friend, can I be the "nit" to your "wit"? I'm at work when you write...when I get up and look around during a break, sometimes I don't get to the 2nd, 3rd or 4th pages...[they make me work at a real job...and have the audacity to think I shouldn't take breaks...humph] and I'm not saying you don't have a real job but HEY...there's these things called priority and commitments and I want a pat on the back to and I come in to see if anyone has looked at mine and it's somewhere on page 5 sulking...with maybe 1 or 2 replies!! Bigger humph. So I thank 'em kindly and give it a little boost to the top and maybe one or two others will respond but the folks I really meant it for haven't seen it and then that sniggery little sunny side of me pops up and says...hey...you're going to hang around a while...don't worry about it... and I remember that every other 4,000 plus person here [yep, I consider you all real people] have jobs and kids and commitments...etc. etc. etc. darn, now I've borrowed your funk! Thanks! [Hey JP....I'm smiling here...{~,^}] [This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 09-27-2000).] |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
just adding LOL @ Sunshine...just for being true to her name and cheering herself up! (gawd, I love this place!) |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
JP I hope you get better soon! Get rid of that sickness....let us know when you're back. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
JP, You are a man. You don't need sympathy or empathy. You need an advesary. I am that advesary. I don't know if I'm strong enough (actually, I think I am) but what you need is competition. One alcoholic to another, Brad |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Hey folks, I'm back. Feeling a bit better now, I'm not dead anyway so that is a plus... Actually, I try to tell myself that any day I wake up alive is a good day. 'cause damn it all, waking up dead is a real pain in the bum... Thanks for those who sent their thoughts and prayers... Brad - you are right, a man doesn't need sympathy, but it does feel nice once in a while don't you think? BTW - I know you're strong enough, I just hope your stamina is good (I'm a marathoner). Sunshine - I am fortunate enough to work in a job where I my one day off a week usually is a weekday. So most of my posting is done during that day, or just before I leave for work, and often when I get home at night and everyone else is sleeping and I am up for whatever reason it may be... Kinda seems like I'm online all the time doesn't it (where do I find time for that 50+ hour a week job and the wife and three kids)? Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so. B. Russell |
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