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Mr. Omniscient
Member

since 2006-10-28

Posts 134

0 posted 2006-10-29 12:32 PM

This is just a poem I wrote awhile ago. I wanted to get someone's opinion on it. Don't take it offensive.

Enmity

I’ll tell you this…
You should stand in your little corner of hatred where you’re fitted,
If you are to walk in the world I live in and not be stepped on like the trash you are
Don’t be so bizarre
Or go somewhere far.

Stop switching up your style to fit in; end the illusions!
Your attitude is scheduled for an execution.
You’re only an intrusion.
You and trash have so far of a fusion,
The resemblance causes confusion;
You make so many accusations.
I’m starting to lose my patience
You’re responsible for your actions.
You’re a fraction of satisfaction.
You’re so far lower than dirt that I wonder why you don’t get hurt sitting in the middle of the Earth.

You’re so simplistic and unrealistic that I could write everything that you do in statistics.
I’ve developed so strong of an enmity; that I think I need a remedy.
Get out of my face I can smell your disgrace.
Race is not the case nor is it his friends or his place;
It’s his need to be rude; his ability to create a feud…
You know what… Leave here now you’re killing the mood.

sandgrain
Member Elite

since 1999-09-21

Posts 3662
Sycamore, IL, USA

1 posted 2006-10-29 06:22 PM

I enjoyed reading your poem but this is just a 'talk' forum. More will see it and respond if you move it to 'open poetry' forum or one of the others.

Welcome to passions!

Rae

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2006-10-29 11:40 PM

i liked this it had an attidude, yes very good... but yes again i will look for your poems in other forums as well...oh and WELCOME TO PASSIONS

hunnie

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

Mr. Omniscient
Member

since 2006-10-28

Posts 134

3 posted 2006-10-30 07:42 AM

Thanks!

Kira Aso
Member

since 2006-09-26

Posts 351
Closer to Hell...

4 posted 2006-10-30 01:32 PM

Welcome to Passions!
(Hugs and Hershey bars for the new member!)

First: This poem was totally awesome!
Secound: You should post this in dark poetry #4. (Or in Open Poetry #39) You'll get good reviews either way.
Third: I hope to see more of you're poetry soon!

Lots of Luve
~Kira

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